Movie #19: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Long title, long movie, long to be remembered. Breathtaking piece of filmmaking with superb score by Nick Cave, great acting from Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck, and a compelling story.

Grade: 10/10

Movie #18: Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Highly watchable, but I couldn't escape the feeling that "winning the Oscar" was the real goal for the film's producers. Less organic than the first, it's more puff than pop.

Grade: 6/10

N#gger! N#gger! N#gger!

It's been awhile since I had a celebrity run-in---something like a week now---so here's one to hold you over until the next encounter:

This evening, around 9:00pm at Central Park West and 81st Street, as I was getting off the crosstown bus after an especially late night of work, I spied an odd-looking man taking photographs of...well, nothing in particular. He was taking photos of the bus, of the ground, of the walls of the buildings, of the stripes on the street, of just about everything not worthy of being photographed (and I have a liberal definition of what constitutes acceptable material) and doing so with all the intensity of a true artist.

Up close, this man's identity was unmistakable. It was Michael "Kramer" Richards of Seinfeld fame and "N#gger!" infamy---a mere two miles from the exterior location of Tom's Diner where the Seinfeld diner scenes were filmed. As I went around the corner to quickly text a few of you my newest sighting, he ended up inadvertently following me and standing next to me as he photographed more useless things like subway railings and dirt and subway railing dirt. As we stood shoulder to shoulder, he photographing nothingness and me texting racial epithet jokes about the man standing next to me, I seriously considered yelling, "Hey, aren't you the n#gger guy? Yeah, it is the n#gger guy! Hey, everyone, look, it's the n#gger guy! N#gger! N#gger! Come on, say the line! Say it!"

I then realized I don't have quite the balls it takes to make such a risque and adventurous joke in public, which is, oddly, sort of how I feel about the night club debacle which ruined his career to the point of anonymously photographing dirt on the Upper West Side. No doubt he crossed the line of bad taste, but it's literally impossible to divine from it whether he's a racist or not. It certainly sounds angry and hateful, but when you're a stand up comic on the stage, especially one who does edgy and blue material as Richards does (he's never been family-friendly like Seinfeld), you have to be allowed a certain freedom to go uncensored...and, with the exception of whether it's funny or not...unjudged.

Whether in those moments of extreme "humor" you can ascertain anything about that person's soul...that remains to be seen. Something tells me if Bill Hicks or Sam Kinison had done something similar, it might have been received differently, no doubt because they would have been more artful, but also because it would have been at least somewhat expected. Michael Richards isn't terribly funny. He's also not terribly sympathetic. I think this is why I'm sympathetic to him. That makes sense, right?

Movie #17: War, Inc.

Grosse Point Blank as an unfunny, heavy-handed political satire. It's an ambitious failure that forgets the laughs, perhaps because it was too busy painting its targets with such broad strokes.

Grade: 3/10

Movie #16: The Ten

A sort of twisted, comedic take on Kieslowski's The Decalogue, it's total hit or miss. About half the stories are funny, the other half tedious. Winona Ryder's story works best.

Grade: 5/10

30 Movies in 30 Days --- the halfway point (gasp)

Yesterday, I finished the 15th movie in this epic journey of unfortunate decision-making, meaning 20 days in I'm already 5 movies behind. I sort of feel like John McCain trying to figure out the electoral math that will allow me to reach the goal of 30 movies before it turns December 1st. It's not looking good. And yet...I have confidence in myself to tackle this unwieldy beast of a task. If there's one thing I know I can do, it's sit down and keep my eyes open. I can do that shit standing on my head with my eyes closed. My October surprise is Thanksgiving. No work. No car. No problem! I'll be in Dallas for the better part of six days, and that means movies, movies, movies. I may even go for 31 movies in 30 days just to be all Fancypants McKraig. Never count me out. Or in. I'm not a joiner, really.

Some of you (many of you) have commented to me on the dearth of quality in my movie selections. Let me assure you that only half of my bad film choices are my fault. The other half is entirely the fault of Marvin the Gay Pirate®, for which I feel certain that no explanation is further asked for or required. As such, you can expect a Sex and the City movie review before this month is over. I'm pretty sure I can write my 30 words without having seen it, and I'm pretty sure it will feature the words: fashion montage, Mr. Big, tedious, chick flick, and "the death of all that is good and decent in the world."

Probably the most frustrating thing about this "project" is the self-imposed restriction of writing my reviews in exactly 30 words, a rule I've gratuitously violated on 3 of the 15 reviews thus far. That last sentence was 34 words alone (depending on how you count hyphenated words---and I've counted it both ways to suit my needs). It's an interesting limitation, but it seems to be the extreme version of word economy. Plus it prevents me from being as funny as we all know I can be. All my zingers are 31 words or more. By rule.

It's Friday night. I have pizza. I have movies. Life is good.

No it's not.

Movie #15: Jumper

Poorly received by critics, I found Jumper to be surprisingly entertaining. Hayden Christensen proves, yet again, to be the most wooden actor alive, but the action is quick and clever.

Grade: 7/10

Movie #14: Leatherheads

Despite my love for screwball comedies and Clooney, this is a well-intentioned clunker. Pinpointing its failure is hard, but it tries too hard to win its audience's affection with sass.

Grade: 4/10

Astronauts vow remaining tool bag won't drift away.

I swear this isn't an Onion story.

HOUSTON – Astronauts vowed to double-check, even triple-check all their tethers to make sure a bag of tools is properly tied down during a spacewalk Thursday so it doesn't float away like one did earlier this week.

"We're definitely not going to do it again. You're not going to see us lose another bag," Stefanyshyn-Piper said in an interview from the international space station on Wednesday with The Associated Press.

The bag was one of the largest items ever lost by a spacewalking astronaut, and NASA guessed it cost about $100,000.

(Hey, does anyone remember where we parked the shuttle? Anyone? Damnit. If only we'd quadruple checked!)

My Top 10 Repeated Stories (evidently)

10. The story of how my parents duped both me and the State of Texas into thinking my birthday was July 29th instead of October 29th. This charade lasted for YEARS.

9. The story of how my personal DVD collection is the exclusive and ongoing result of a large, gay pirate named Marvin.

8. The story of how I was detained by Baylor University campus police for trespassing while attempting to get their mascot (a bear) to jump from its bed into a pool of water.

7. The story of how I was hit by car at the age of 10, causing a compound fracture of my leg, a concussion, and the loss of function in my left kidney. Ouch.

6. The story of how on a pseudo-first date my leg fell asleep while sitting, and then when I got up I fell over and couldn't get up for the longest two minutes of my life...in public.

5. The story of how my 1985 Volkswagen Golf's brakes went out (just like in the movies), forcing me to weave in and out of four lanes of oncoming traffic until safely coming to rest on a grassy median.

4. The story of how my 12-foot U-Haul trailer (connected to my pickup truck) was there one moment, and then, after glancing back a moment later, nowhere to be found.

3. The story of how I made a girl cry during a high school debate. Twice.

2. The story of how I drove actor Jeff Fahey (most recently of Lost) in the middle of the night to a New Mexico Indian casino where we discussed existentialism and gambled away all of my money.

1. The story of how I once went on a date with a Jewish Republican who, within two minutes of my meeting her, proved to be the most annoying person I've ever met. The date then last six more hours.

Oldboy...now with sugar, spice and everything nice!

So you're looking to remake one of the most twisted, dark and disturbing films in recent memory...a film with a twist ending that is twisted...twisted to the point of psychological nausea. Who you gonna call? David Fincher? Christopher Nolan? Guillermo del Toro? Fuck no. This is, quite obviously, a job made in heaven for Steven Spielberg. But wait. There's more. We have to have an actor. And the actor has to be quiet, unassuming, average-looking, and always on the verge of jumping off the deep end. Joaquin Phoenix? No, he retired. Ed Norton? Matt Damon? Adrien Brody? Wait---I've got it! Will Smith! Yes, perfect! Spielberg and Will Smith to remake Chan-wook Park's Oldboy! It's genius!

As a fan---nay, devotee--of Chan-wook Park's vengeance trilogy (Oldboy, Lady Vengeance, Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance), news of a possible Spielberg/Smith remake is both startling and, in truth, a little intriguing. If you haven't seen any of these three films, you should. Park is a master director (and writer!) with an amazing visual style and a keen ability to mine comedy from the darkest of moments. In any list of my favorite directors, he would surely be in the top five on the basis of these three films.

But so, too, would Spielberg be in that top five list. While Spielberg has his detractors, I'm not one of them. Sure, there's the last Indiana Jones movie whose name we dare not speak. And yes, he is responsible for that abomination of excess 1941. But by and large nobody makes films on a bigger and better basis than Spielberg. What he does not do so well is make films with edge, and Oldboy has edge to spare. In almost every film Spielberg has made, given the chance to "go dark" or "edgy", he's opted for light and fluffy. And yet, he is a man of immense talent. As is Will Smith...an underrated actor with greater range than people give him credit for. Is it possible that these two men could successfully collaborate to remake a film which seems ill-suited to their talents? Of course. It seems damn unlikely, but perhaps Oldboy is the film which could redefine the future cinematic contributions of a living legend. Whatever the result, it's bound to be a spectacular one...failure or success.

Separated at Birth.

Seth Rogen and the ultra-crappy, ultra-annoying Eric Gagne.



(tip: http://rangersblog.dallasnews.com/)

Googled and gagged.

One of the minor pleasures of running my own web site is the ability to sometimes see how my visitors found boyhatesgirl.com. Often it's through a link someone had placed on their own blog, but just as often it's from a random hit via a keyword search on Google. Some of these searches make sense as to why my blog would come up---for example, "one who hates girls, word." Sure. I can see that. The blog is named Boy Hates Girl, after all. Then, sometimes, the Google search is a little odd, but still mildly flattering---like, "symbolic story examples." Hey, what would-be writer wouldn't want to be associated with symbolic writing, right? But then it just gets weird, like "photo of Power Rangers cakes." True, I did write a blog that referenced cake baking, but linking me to the preparation of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers cakes is so not cool. Finally, there's this Google search from someone in Vietnam---"torture sex boy."

(awkward thumbs up)

Movie #13: Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

And so it was that the infamous Lee Pace man-crush grew ever larger. Pettigrew is a pleasant, albeit slight comedy, likely to appeal to women thirsty for urbane, vapid romance.

Grade: 6/10

Prop 8 is SO gay.

I haven't had a chance yet to properly address the issue of Prop 8, in part because there's too much to say, but also in part because I've been saddled with this ridiculous self-imposed chore of watching 30 movies in 30 days---easily one of my worst ideas ever. Suffice it to say I'll have a lengthy post about it in the near future as it's the rare issue on which I do not recognize alternative opinions. My ability to empathize with dissenting viewpoints extends to almost every hot-button issue save for this one. But until I have the time to do justice to this injustice, I simply leave you with this.

Movie #12: Funny Games

Despite fleeting moments where the fourth wall is broken to critique violence, this is highly entertaining "torture porn". That may not be the director's purpose, but it's the result.

Grade: 8/10

Movie #11: Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs

Better than the first Futurama movie, but still works best in short-form, not long. Even so, how can you not love jokes about alien nomenclature? David Cross has juicy cameo.

Grade: 6/10

Movie #10: Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Works as comedy at least as well as an action/fantasy. A highbrow Men in Black, really. Visually arresting and, unlike the first, doesn't lose much steam by the end.

Grade: 7/10

Why I hate reading the news...

...and why I persist.

From: The Week, 11/21/08 edition

Kismayu, Somalia
Rape victim stoned to death: Islamic fundamentalists brutally executed a 13-year-old girl who was convicted of adultery for being raped by three men, the United Nations confirmed last week. Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow was visiting her grandmother when she sought out the rebel militia that controls the city of Kismayu to report that she’d been raped; that amounted to a confession in the eyes of the sharia court. “The evidence came from her side and she officially confirmed her guilt,” said the presiding cleric, Sheikh Hayakalah. Duhulow was reportedly dragged screaming into a soccer stadium in front of crowd of 1,000 people, buried up to her neck, and stoned for more than 10 minutes by 50 executioners. Militia members fired on a few people who tried to intervene, killing an 8-year-old boy. The rapists were not arrested.

Movie #9: Flags of our Fathers

Watching this on Veteran's Day last week I couldn't help but be deeply moved by the endless heroism of our country's soldiers---even when their heroism is somewhat of a fabrication. I know I just spent my 30 words on that one sentence, but I'm making an exception for this review. While Flags of our Fathers was not as warmly praised as Clint Eastwood's companion film Letters from Iwo Jima, a film I've not yet seen, Flags of our Fathers stands on its own as a fascinating monument to the often murky definition of what it means to be a hero.

Not terribly well-versed in history myself, I had grown up under the mistaken assumption that the flag-raising at Iwo Jima took place in the middle of a live battle---a sort of selfless rallying point to inspire the troops to battle on. I had no reason to think that beyond my mind seeking to ascribe meaning to this powerful image, but the real story is far more interesting. In truth, the famous photo was the second time the flag was raised. The first flag was raised and then quickly taken down so it could be kept as a souvenir by a commanding general. The first time the flag was raised the troops did take live fire. The second time they did not. The soldiers who raised the flag the second time, only half of whom would end up surviving the bloody battle of Iwo Jima, ended up being shamelessly celebrated by the U.S. Government for purposes of selling war bonds...all the while those surviving soldiers felt the guilt of not being the "authentic" first flag-raisers, a secret they were compelled to keep from the families of the dead soldiers who raised the flag first...but who received none of the accolades.

It seems like a minor distinction and, in fact, as the movie ultimately concludes, it is. The second flag-raisers, the ones who got all the glory, were no less heroic than the first group. Their guilt is understandable, but whether they were the first, second or last group of soldiers to raise a flag, whether they fired a weapon or not, whether they were injured or not, whether they were scared or not, they were all heroic. Not all of our heroes are equal, of course, but imagining the battle of Iwo Jima, where almost 7,000 American soldiers lost their lives, and where almost all of the 22,000 Japanese soldiers were either killed or committed suicide, it's unfathomable to me the level of bravery and personal fortitude these men demonstrated. That one picture can summarize it is amazing. That that one picture is something of a fraud, is even more so.

I'm a deeply cynical person, often critical of the way our country deploys its military. Seeing the horrors of that battle recreated for film certainly gives me even greater pause than before. Even so, I feel compelled to declare to those who would accuse me and others like me of believing otherwise, my support and compassion for our soldiers, from yesterday, today and tomorrow, is unwavering. In fact, those of us who prefer a more judicious use of our men and women in uniform do so for precisely that reason. I'm not the most patriotic person I know, and perhaps I might even be the least...but watching Flags of our Fathers makes it difficult to maintain such a cynical front. I do love my country...and after watching this movie I love it all the more.

Grade: 9/10

The blind leading the blind. Leading the blind.

While strolling around the Upper West Side with my visiting sister this afternoon, I was stopped by a blind woman who was being led by a blind man. I'm not sure how she sensed my presence, but she did so without me brushing past her or me even speaking. She simple veered off to the side and stopped me with her cane...even though I was nimbly attempting to avoid her. She then proceeded to ask for directions to Gray's Papaya. Although I didn't know where one was in that area, I knew it wasn't on Columbus Avenue, so I suggested they try Amsterdam or Broadway. The thought of crossing over a few blocks, however, was daunting, so they asked for directions to the subway instead. After giving very precise directions to the subway they politely informed me they meant Subway, not the subway. Still relying on my masterful directions, I oriented them to north and south and wished them luck. Fortunately, I was mostly right about Gray's. I just checked and it's at 72nd and Broadway (we were at 72nd and Columbus), so I'm only mostly an asshole. Side note---blind people are amazing.

"I'll be Grant. You be Lee."

Movie #8: The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

A true story which suffocates the audience with tragedy, then resuscitates them with hope. Its forced first-person perspective is both genius and exhausting, but the result is staggering and moving.

Grade: 9/10

Movie #7: Doomsday

Unabashed homage to each of my favorite sci-fi films. Every beat is directly inspired by a previous movie, so much so that you'd ultimately prefer to watch the source material.

Grade: 5/10

The Dogs of War.

A puppy sleeps under a U.S soldier's hat and rifles in Baquba, in Diyala province some 65 km (40 miles) northeast of Baghdad November 6, 2008.REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic (IRAQ)

We were tricked.

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Movie #6: Street Kings

An Ellroy LA cop drama without the nuance or moral ambiguity. Hugh Laurie and Whitaker disappoint, but Keanu is as mediocre as expected. Rappers Common and The Game score, however.

Grade: 3/10

Movie #5: Baby Mama

Proves that ingenious casting is only worth so much. The laughs are too infrequent and the expected edge is completely absent. Formulaic and predictable, Poehler saves it from utter banality.

Grade: 4/10

Letter to Republicans

Dear McCain/Palin voters (all 57,358,053 of you),

Suck it!

Sorry. Sorry. I lost control for a second. I apologize. But can you blame me for enjoying a little bit of Schadenfreude? Your party elected, twice, a man who will most likely go down in history as one of the least successful leaders in the history of the world. He was so incompetent that his eight years in office have helped redefine his father's one-term presidential legacy as one filled with class, grace, wisdom and honor. We democrats now miss Bush Sr.. After eight years of an administration willing to say and do anything to maintain its power, and after a McCain campaign that showed every sign of following in that dishonorable tradition, you bet we're dancing in the streets of the East Village:



But here's the deal I'll make with you. If you give Obama's presidency a fair, non-partisan shake, I'll be as critical of his mistakes as I was with those that Bush made. And, if you promise to root out the elements in your party who have steered the GOP toward a hateful form of right-wing fanaticism, I'll buy you a beer. Domestic. Deal? Look, I know this isn't going to be easy, but I did it for you. I totally gave Bush the benefit of the doubt after he was elected in 2000. He ran as a "uniter" and, after he won, I allowed myself to see if that would in fact be true. Rather than look for reasons to oppose Bush, I chose to look for reasons to support him.

His first key act as President was to propose and pass legislation extending government funding to include faith-based charitable organizations. After an election which many Democrats felt Bush had stolen, few of us were willing to get in line behind "our" President, especially on an issue which could easily be criticized as blurring the line between church and state. I was not one of those people. Why? Because the initiative made sense. If some faith-based organizations can minister to the poor better than some who are not faith-based, then those are the organizations we should fund. The legislation had sufficient language to ensure that the "faith" component of the organization would not be used as a prerequisite to obtain the charitable services they offered. It just made sense. Help those that help.

And that's what I ask of you. Give Obama a chance. You think he's full of shit? You think he's all hype? All style? You think he's just another politician? Maybe he is, but do try your best to find ways to support him...not ways to sink him. Take his words at face value until, as was the case with Bush, there's clear evidence to the contrary. Assume the best about Obama, not the worst. Don't cease to be critical of him, but don't be critical for partisan reasons either. The race is over, but you didn't necessarily lose. Help those that help.

Oh, and one more thing. You're gonna have to let Palin go. Sorry, but if you can ridicule Ted Kennedy as some sort of icon of liberal absurdity, even after his tireless efforts in the Senate for most of his life, then you're gonna have to let us have Palin be the icon of conservative absurdity. Let her go. Honestly, this is to your benefit. Think about it. Palin is to us what Ted Kennedy is to you. Yeah, you go ahead and run her out there as some symbol of of the new GOP. Go right ahead, because if she's ever sniffing the top part of a presidential ticket, you guys are going down and going down hard.

Peace, my brothers and sisters.

Letter to Democrats

Dear fellow Obama supporters,

We did it. Some of you did more to make it happen than others, and I salute you. If you put your money where your mouth is, or if you made calls, knocked on doors, organized, fund raised, or even simply wrote discursive blogs attempting to show why Obama should prevail, I extend an extra special thanks. This was an emotional and historic event and we can finally take a moment to step back, breathe and enjoy.

Done yet? No? Too bad. There's work to be done. Trying to win an election is an easily identifiable goal that's exciting, energizing and, mercifully, comes with a concluding date. Less exciting, however, is trying to solve the amorphous problems of poverty, the environment, the economy, and global terrorism, problems which have no obvious conclusion to work toward, and problems whose "solutions" will not be near as satisfying as last Tuesday night's victory. While we hope for the best, progress comes incrementally and often in ways we can't immediately ascertain or appreciate. Stay vigilant. In the end, while electing your candidate of choice is an important step to progress, what matters is what happens next. If there's enough passion and energy left after this arduous campaign, redirect it toward volunteerism, charity, and keeping our government honest, transparent and on-task.

Also, remember how miserable it felt to have Bush in the White House these last eight years? How angry we would get at the smugness of those in power? How infuriating it was to deal with conservatives who, in our eyes, were drunk on the Kool-Aid of lies and hypocrisy and would question our patriotism for daring to question unquestioned power? Remember that? Try not to let those bitter memories poison our actions toward our fellow Americans. McCain/Palin won over 57 million votes and if there's any hope for a more unified country, it's going to rely, in part, on our being role models over the next four to eight years. Let's not make excuses if and when our leaders falter. Let's not ignore the truth. Let's deal in reality, not fiction. Let's treat the "other" side not as we felt we were treated, but as we wished we had been treated.

We won. But as President Bartlett from The West Wing would always ask, "what's next?"

Let them eat cupcake.

My arch nemesis Morgan "commissioned" her friend and baker-extraordinaire Lasley to make cupcakes for my birthday. Look familiar? It's based on my blog's profile picture. This is difficult for me to say, but...thanks, Morgan. After foisting them upon a few of my co-workers to check for arsenic poisoning, I indulged myself...and they were as yummy as they look. I've yet to ascertain what her nefarious motive may be, but I suspect it's a long term plan that will slowly reveal itself until it reaches a violent and explosive crescendo. Until then...yum.

Let them eat cake.

Romy. Obama. Cake. Election Night was a good one for many, many reasons.

It would be funny if it weren't so frightening.

I'll have an Election 2008 wrap-up later this week, but before I express even one moment of joy about Obama's election, I feel it important to not suddenly forget the great fraud that was perpetrated upon the American public. I believe firmly that history will judge the Republicans and conservatives of this election year based exclusively on how willing or unwilling they were to indict the selection of Sarah Palin as Vice President. This is not sour grapes. This is much bigger than that. Much.

While Obama won convincingly (for this day and age anyway), over 56 million votes were cast for John McCain and Sarah Palin. No doubt the vast majority of those votes would have been cast for McCain regardless of whom he selected as his VP, but this means in no uncertain terms that 56 million Americans were willing to accept either the promise or risk of Sarah Palin as President. I know conventional wisdom says people vote for the top of the ticket, not for or against the bottom, but the selection of Palin was such a profoundly awful decision by McCain that any vote for McCain has to consider Palin as a significant issue...both in terms of his judgment and in terms of her ability to actually step in and lead. Evidently 56 million Americans did...and still decided McCain would be a good decision-making President, and Sarah Palin would be a reasonable should-he-die President.

Obviously I find that result, based on what we learned about Palin in her short time in the spotlight, to be astonishing. But that's old news. What's new news is the truth about the selection of Palin that's starting to trickle out. The following video is from Fox News and, while it's quoting off-the-record sources, the fact that it's Fox News and that it's savaging Sarah Palin certainly gives it the ring of truth.



This is disturbing on so many levels that I can barely think straight. Obviously the "holy shit" part of the video is the revelation that Palin didn't know that Africa was a continent, not a country. While that juicy tidbit is stunning, it's the overall theme that should leave a bitter taste in everyone's mouth---especially those who voted for McCain. Essentially McCain gambled with the future of the free world and, once he realized it was a mistake, decided it was more politically prudent to stick with his mistake than to correct it...all the time insisting to the American people that she was more qualified to be President than Barack Obama. "Country First" is the campaign slogan for McCain/Palin. Laughable. I'm not going to sit here and say that McCain is a bad man. Like most people, McCain is a good man who did some bad things. The problem is, this particular "bad" thing is one of the most reckless, dangerous, cynical and self-serving things any political candidate can do.

Seriously, is getting a blowjob from an intern and then lying about it under oath worse than knowingly sticking with a Vice Presidential nominee who clearly has no grasp of the intricacies of foreign policy? During a time of war? A candidate who doesn't know which countries are in NAFTA? In a time of global economic crisis? When your motto is "Country First"? Are you fucking kidding me? McCain didn't break the law as Senator Ted Stevens did, but I would argue McCain's decision to keep Palin on the ticket after becoming fully aware of her inadequacies is far worse. Oh, and Ted Stevens was reelected, which should tell you a little something about Alaskan politics.

With an Obama victory I should strike a gracious chord of unity. But no. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. And perhaps not for some time. 56 million votes. There was sufficient evidence before the election to know that Sarah Palin was a wholly unacceptable nominee for Vice President, but there were still people who would argue she was a good candidate. They wouldn't argue that she was average, mediocre, bad or irrelevant. They would actually argue she was good. Anyone who would make such a claim is either ignorant or disingenuous or both. And now that the truth is starting to come out about how little she was vetted, how little she really knows, and how McCain chose to stick with her in light of all this, there is nothing that will satisfy me short of a complete and total rebuke of Republican cynicism and hypocrisy.

Democracy in-action.

I proudly cast my vote today, but whether it will be counted is a different story. While there wasn't an especially long line to deal with, the poll watchers seemed, by and large, ill-trained and ill-equipped to run the polling location. Aside from my name being inexplicably excluded from the log of registered voters (despite my having the confirmation from the Board of Elections in my hand), the poll watchers were disorganized and bickering amongst themselves as to correct procedures to follow--not just for me, but for every voter in front of me. It wasn't pretty.

In the end I voted via affidavit, essentially sealing my ballot in an envelope to be checked, presumably, by "someone" with a more up-to-date voter log. Will it count? Who knows. What worries me is the thought that this is not some isolated incident, but rather a systemic problem, one that seems more likely to affect economically-challenged precincts across the country. I hesitate to say the system is broke, but it's clearly needing attention. From voter fraud, to broken machines, to poorly trained poll watchers, to politically motivated purges of voter registrations, there's no telling how inaccurate final results in an election of this scale may be. On the plus side (or down side), any state which has anything "close" in the final tally will be scrutinized and rescrutinized to squeeze every last vote out. Bottom line, voting should be simpler and more reliable, though those two concepts seem, at the moment, in conflict with one another. Here's one article which is downright frightening: http://www.truthout.org/110308A

As for my vote which may or may not count, I voted for Obama, of course, but it was not a straight Democratic ticket. Although somewhat reluctant to do so, I voted against 19-term Democratic U.S. Congressman Charles Rangel. "Change" begins with the purging of anyone who uses their power and influence for corrupt personal gain---Democrats included. He's done a lot of good for his constituents, and perhaps would still be better than his Independent/Republican opponent Craig Schley, but when it's time to go, it's time to go. Charlie, it's time to go.

Movie #4: Speed Racer

Stunning visuals channel best of Tron, Dick Tracy and Pushing Daisies, but this is strictly kids fare. The races are far too animated to be exciting. Stupid cartoon, stupid movie.

Grade: 4/10

Movie #3: Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Supporting cast carries this film, especially Russell Brand as a multi-faceted rock star Lothario. Jason Segal is passable as lead and screenwriter, but the film, while entertaining, is ultimately...forgettable.

Grade: 6/10

Truth.

Movie #2: Vantage Point

Vantage #1: Kraig Smith

More Hurt! Rashomon with terrorists. Overly elaborate plot and a "fast" Forest Whitaker keep it squarely in the fantasy realm. Gimmick is somewhat effective, but big surprise is no surprise.

Vantage #2: Hulk

Hulk no understand why same thing happen over and over. Hulk wonder why President is kidnapped. Movie no explain. Hulk think most actors wasted. Hulk not in movie. Hulk angry!

Vantage #3: McCain

Perfect example of why I'm most qualified to be President and why Obama would destroy our country. This is the "test" Biden spoke of. Manufactured terrorist plot to test Obama.

Vantage #4: Ben Linus

Jack, you need to return to the island. You can't be running around playing make believe. You're not a secret service agent, you're a hot-headed, overwrought, unshaven, vaguely alcoholic doctor.

Grade: 6/10

Movie #1: The Incredible Hulk

* The first of my 30-word reviews of 30 movies to be watched in 30 days.

Hulk smash. Hulk destroy Ang Lee's Hulk. Hulk fun. Hulk fast. Hulk think Ed Norton make any movie better. Hulk has William Hurt. Hurt hurts to watch. Hulk has future.

Grade: 7 / 10

30 Movies, 30 Days, 30 Words

November is National Novel Writing Month, a literary gimmick in which you're supposed to sit down and shit out 50,000 words over the next 30 days. While I'm all in favor of this and even know a few people who will attempt this massive undertaking, I will not be joining them. The project seems...what's the word? Ah, yes. Ambitious. It's far too ambitious for me. But, since I'm all in favor of gimmicks, I hereby announce my November surprise. Beginning today, November 1st, I will watch 30 movies in 30 days. That is exactly how ambitious I am. I am ambitious enough to passively rest on my futon while images wash over me one after another. My rules are simple. Each movie must be one I have not seen before, and each movie watched will require a limited review(to be posted here) consisting of exactly 30 words---no more, and no less. Failure is not an option. There is no try, only do. And by "do" I mean do very little except swap out DVDs. I can do this. I really can.

And the Gecko on bass...

Aside from the fact I was the only one at last night's Halloween party incapable of playing a musical instrument, and basically the only person not in a costume, too, this year's Halloween was one of the best I've been a part of. Instead of loathing Halloween, as I always do, I somewhat enjoyed it for a change. It was...a Thriller.



Thanks to Morgan for the videos. More videos from the Halloween jam session can be found on her crappy blog, http://redeyedandbushytailed.tumblr.com/.