Yes, please.

Christopher Nolan writing and directing with Leo and Joseph Gordon-Levitt starring? Want.

Resist! Resist! Resist!

It turns out that I am not alone. As you may recall from this previous blog posting, back in October I was fined $50 by the NYPD for taking up more than one seat on an empty train late at night. That provoked a justifiably belligerent response from me and, to date, I have not paid this fine. Inevitably this will lead to an arrest warrant similar to the one I have in Texas, but until I'm wanted in three states simultaneously, I do not plan to stop causing trouble. But back to the main point which is a story that appeared on Gawker yesterday afternoon. Citing this NY Post story, it seems the crackdown on "space hogs" is in full effect. The NYPD denies it and claims the number of citations in 2009 is only slightly higher than in 2008. Even so, the account given in the story is eerily similar to the bullshit story I got, namely the part in which, "The officer said it was a danger because people can get robbed on the subway if they fall asleep." Argh! Stupidest reasoning in the history of reason!

Friday Night Video

Today we go back, way back...44 years back in time to 1965. Simon & Garfunkel are uniformly awesome and require no explanation. I will say, however, that this song was chosen because its lyrics sort of perfectly match the December mood outside my window. I am not a rock, however. I'm a happy dude for a change, but I still like a moody woe-is-me song and this one fits the bill. For you miserable, lonely sons of bitches, this is for you.

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Cosby Porn

Remember the good old days of porn when pornos had story, substance, character development, and more than one kind of dramatic climax? Me either, but the porn industry used to at least try and have a flimsy plot around which its characters could find a reason to have sex (sort of like real life). In the last 10 years or so, however, porn producers discovered that the main consumer of porn (MEN!) didn't really need a plot with their porn. In fact, the plot usually just got in the way and caused men to burn out the fast-forward button on their remotes. As a result, especially in the golden age of digital internet porn, the trend in the industry (so I've been told) has been toward cheaper, easier-to-produce vignettes. Minimal to no story---just sex, sex, sex. It's a little sad (but just a little).

Every now and then the industry will put forth an extraordinary effort to try and grab some mainstream attention, as was the case with the 2005 movie Pirates, reported to be the most expensive porn film ever made with a budget just north of a million dollars. I rather like what The New York Times had to say about it: "A relatively high-budget story of a group of ragtag sailors who go searching for a crew of evil pirates who have a plan for world domination. Also, many of the characters in the movie have sex with one another." Wanna know how you can tell it's a legit movie? The sequel came in at 2 hours and 18 minutes...making it like every other self-important, over-bloated sequel in history. Even so, herculean efforts like Pirates are few and far between. Recently, however, one film company has begun a new trend in the industry and, well, it's kind of awesome.

Porn parodies are not a new trend and have been around forever. We all remember Edward Penishands, yes? Good. But the most recent trend is towards parodies of classic television sitcoms, including The Brady Bunch, Three's Company, and The Cosby Show. Again, this alone is not that remarkable, but what is remarkable is how funny these parodies appear to be. Great care has obviously been taken with the script, with the casting, the set design, the costuming, and even with the camera movements...all carefully done to mimic the show's style. And if you think I'm exaggerating, take a look at the trailer for Not The Cosby Show XXX.



You don't see any sex in that YouTube-safe version, but trust me, this is a hardcore porn film. You can check out the not-safe-for-work version here. It's fucking genius, right? There's also parodies of Friends and Scrubs, and then there's this dead-on parody of The Office:



And the parodies keep coming and coming. Like this great one for 30 Rock:



Amazing.

Iron Man 2

Trailers rarely get me jazzed anymore, but this one sure did:

Friday Night Video

You ever had a drunken conversation at a bar where you're trying to get someone else to figure out what song is in your head---except you don't know the name of the song, the name of the band, or much more beyond a few key notes? This video answers that question from Thursday night. Jonathan, this song is dedicated to you.

King Ding Takes it Like a Pro

Tonight I saw the Rifftrax crew do a live, broadcast-to-theaters holiday extravaganza riff. For those not familiar with Rifftrax, it's the same guys who did Mystery Science Theater 3K back in the day. And for those not familiar with MST3K, you can check out a few of their recently-added episodes on Hulu.com. Basically it's three very smart, very funny guys who make fun of movies, commercials and short films.

There was much to laugh at tonight, but perhaps two of the oddest oddities among many tonight, were the following two commercials. These are actual products, mind you. It sort of makes me wonder when the world at large became aware of homoerotic overtones...because it certainly wasn't back when they made these. I give you the Dingalings, and Gaylord the Robotic Pup.

Friday Night Video

If you close your eyes and think back to like two days ago, this post is right on time. I couldn't post because I was too busy dancing, spilling beer on people, getting into fights, and asking if one girl needed help with some creepy guy who was following her around...who turned out to be her boyfriend of six years. You Met people left too early, clearly.

Today I have not one, but TWO videos for you. The first is the original version of Heartbeats by The Knife...an infectious song if ever there was one. Now, while I don't typically enjoy covers, Jose Gonzalez made an acoustic version of Heartbeats which is exactly the kind of cover I DO like. It maintains the original song's integrity while simultaneously exposing some of its more beautiful, buried undercurrents. Enjoy.

You know it's a bad night at trivia when...

...the only question you feel really good about answering is one that deals with Jim Carrey. Alright, I answered more than just that one...but not many more. It was a disastrous second-to-last-place finish and about the best thing I can say for the evening is that I barely fought with Morgan at all. Except I like fighting with Morgan, so even that modicum of joy was stolen from me.

The Jim Carrey question is this: There were three sequels made to movies in which Jim Carrey starred in the original but declined participation in the follow-up. Name the three sequels.

(answer in the comments section)

It Lives!

If you're a regular reader of this blog (sad) you know I've closely followed the development of the baseball-themed movie Moneyball...based on the acclaimed Michael Lewis book (author of the recently adapted sleeper hit The Blind Side). I got to spy Lewis and his wife, former MTV Vee-Jay Tabitha Soren, at the party premiere for The Blind Side last month (thanks, Rich). THAT'S how closely I follow this story. I stalked Tabitha and her daughter at the ESPN Sportszone in Times Square in hopes of learning more about the future of Moneyball, but I learned nothing from the experience beyond the fact that neither of them can shoot toy guns worth a damn.

It's been a rocky road for this bizarre project as you can read about here and here, but the big news this week is that it's back on! Yes, just six months after Sony Pictures halted production on the Steven Soderbergh project at the proverbial eleventh hour, the studio has rewritten the script and found themselves a new director. Given that the most recent incarnation of the project was heavily influenced by Soderbergh and his numerous rewrites of the original script from Steven Zaillian, one would have expected Sony Pictures to redo the project with a much more mainstream approach. While that's probably true to some extent, I can find little fault with hiring Aaron Sorkin to do the rewrite and then hiring Bennett Miller to be the new director. Miller was the Oscar-nominated director behind Capote (2005), and Sorkin is pretty much the greatest TV/film writer of our generation.

Many questions still remain about Moneyball...not the least of which is how good will it be, but between Zaillian, Sorkin, Soderburgh, Miller and Brad Pitt, you have one of the more intriguing creative pastiches in recent memory. I'm tentatively thrilled with these developments. Stay tuned...

1,547 Miles

Lots to post in the coming days now that things are easing up a bit for me, but let's get it started with formal notice that I'll be coming back to Dallas to ring in the New Year. I'll be arriving on Tuesday, December 29th and returning to New York City the following Tuesday, January 5th. I currently have an arrest warrant out for me in Dallas (bring it, pigs!), so rather than do my usual "drive without a legal license" thing that I typically do when home, I think it best I rely on the kindness of strangers this time.

So, if you live in Dallas and you have a car, I'm looking at you. That means you, Brian. And you, too, sister Susan. And probably a few other people I don't really care to see, but if it means getting me from point A to point B and then drunkenly off to point C before being safely returned to point A...fine. There's always point D, of course, but that's a mistake for both of us. Anyway, if you're in Dallas and want to buy me a drink or seven, let me know.

Friday Night Video

Not much time for commentary tonight as I'm about 10 minutes away from beginning an overnight shift at the museum. The new Will Ferrell/Mark Wahlberg movie is filming here (The Other Guys) so I'll be with that until 9am tomorrow. What you will get, however, is another great track off of Phoenix's most recent album...this one Lisztomania. The video is a fan-made mash-up to several movies of the Brat Pack. Enjoy.

Bears Riding Horses

This post was originally going to be about a subway ad I saw tonight which featured a pair of horses in Iceland, but instead I found this picture which is far better than anything I'd planned on writing. Yes, yes---true of most things, I know. Very funny, you snarky, self-hating voice in my head.