Happy Birthday to Boy Hates Girl

It's been exactly one year since I launched BoyHatesGirl.com, a fact made painfully clear to me when the domain and hosting renewals were automatically charged to my credit card this morning. It's been a fun year doing the blog and I'm happy to say that I've pretty much accomplished what I'd set out to do. I'd hoped to do at least one post a day and, while that wasn't always the case, I did end up averaging almost exactly that. I had no expectation of what sort of audience I might find beyond friends and stalkers, but Year One drew 11,695 visitors according to my site meter, and the traffic has been steadily increasing each month.

As for the content, that's been a little difficult to focus. As my friend and fellow blogger John W. has pointed out from time to time, blogging is hard work! There's a constant need to come up with new things to write about, which often leads to inconsequential posts just to fill space. It's also a time consuming endeavor---something which has forced me to abandon longer posts which became irrelevant by the time I finally finished them. On the plus side, the people who visit this blog...some of which end up sticking around...come from a wide spectrum. I have readers who are fans of Rick Springfield, fans of the Texas Rangers, fans of politics, fans of movies, and fan(s) of me. That last category is basically my sister. Thanks, sis. Anyway, it's not what you might call a niche blog. It's a little bit of everything.

So what's in store for BHG in year two? Probably fewer posts, but hopefully of higher quality. Maybe a few more op-ed styled posts. And likely some other bizarre fixation to replace the Rick Springfield thing. Anyhoo, thanks for reading and thanks for the comments and support. I'll keep at it.

Rick & Roll Redux

I'm back from Atlantic City and, while my gambling fortunes were virtually nonexistent, the Rick Springfield show was something akin to hitting the jackpot. Accompanied by my good friend Rich D., the world's worst (best?) enabler, we were both treated to a rather amazing, old-fashioned rock & roll performance by a music icon. And, evidently, a medical marvel, too.

The fact that Springfield is 60 years old is, to be honest, insane. Rich and I both concluded without hesitation that he is almost certainly taking HGH (Human Growth Hormone). We also concluded that we want some of that...because the shit is working. Seriously. Dude still has a six-pack and some serious guns. As Rich wisely noted, "he knows what butters his bread." While he may not do quite the same high kicks and splits he did in his 20's and 30's, he's ALL energy on stage. With almost no slow songs in his repertoire, every song was assaulted with a youthful enthusiasm that I can barely muster for minutes at a time. One thing is clear---he's not just going through the motions and cashing a paycheck. He still loves making new music and he still loves belting out the old ones.

The Music Box venue at The Borgata is a cozy theater and an excellent setting. The night following Springfield they had The Yeah Yeah Yeahs performing there, just to give you an idea of the range of acts the venue can support. My seats, while not in the front half of the theater, were DEAD CENTER and just two rows behind the sound board. It was a perfect view. It was also a perfect place to get a good look at the audience. Oddly, while I expected the crowd to be mostly comprised of middle-aged women, I did expect a bit more diversity than I saw. There were plenty of men, but they were all husbands to the middle-aged women. I am almost 100% certain that Rich and I were both the youngest men there and also the only unattached men there. It was...weird. But then I guess this whole minor obsession thing is sort of weird, too...so that seems about right, I guess. What's interesting is that 90% of the audience stood for 90% of the show...everyone who didn't have arthritis, basically.

Rich, an open-minded non-fan, will testify to just how good a show Springfield put on. First, without a doubt, the man can play a guitar and play it well. Sometimes, when you don't like a particular song or an entire style of music, it's easy to not notice the technical artistry that a musician has. I'm guilty of this often, but anyone watching this performance would have to come away with a tremendous appreciation for Rick Springfield the guitar player. He literally played until his fingers bled...and then kept on playing (after applying a Spongebob Squarepants band-aid). Strip away the good looks and his soap-opera-idol following and you still have a damn good guitarist. While Rick loves playing to his fans' expectations, it's also clear he's playing with something to prove. His accompanying band was also outstanding...the kind of professional musicians who have done this their whole lives with little to no fanfare.

The show itself was electric, mixing in several songs from his most recent album, countless classics, and a few covers. All in all it was about a 20-song set with no intermission. One of the more thrilling bits was his rendition of Human Touch. Having seen some YouTube videos of his last performance at The Borgata in March, I had some idea what to expect, but it was still rather shocking to see this 60-year-old man climb into the audience and precariously walk (and run) from the arm of one seat to another...occasionally stopping to sing (and be groped). Here's one video from early on in his stage exodus:



At one point he slipped and fell and got his leg caught between a seat. I feared he would be crippled as they worked for a good 15-20 seconds to free him...but, amazingly, he was fine and then jumped up on to the next level of seats. Now about 30 rows deep into the audience, he was coming my way! My camera had been zoomed in at the max and it doesn't allow me to zoom out while filming. It's a complicated process so I decided to keep filming at the zoom ratio as there just wasn't time for an on-the-fly adjustment. Within seconds he was directly in front of me and, well, he touched me. Or maybe I touched him. It doesn't matter, I suppose. The song is called Human Touch (you all remember that one, right?) and, damnit, I got my touch. Yes, as he precariously danced across the seat in front of me, his sweat dripped on me and my outstretched hand grabbed his wrist and helped him along. See the annotated video below for the proof:



Go ahead. Make fun. You just clearly are lacking the human touch...and I pity you.

Having had a few days to reflect back upon the show, I now think I know what Rick's going for. I think he wants to be the next Tom Jones. He still flaunts his sex appeal and he's easily the most showy performer I've ever seen on stage. From Pete Townsend-like windmill strums of the guitar, to animated hand and facial gestures, to destroying about six dozen roses by using them to play the guitar (I could have lived without that), he's there to give you (women mostly) your money's worth. It's crazy to say this, but I don't see him slowing down anytime soon. He tours non-stop and does about 100 concerts a year. And, like Tom Jones, he's mostly known for one big hit... (video not mine---but it's a great look at his stage bravado)



I know I've spent a LOT of time on this blog in the last few months talking about Rick Springfield, and that's going to mostly stop now that the concert is over, but it truly was a minor dream come true...one put on the back burner for far too long, and one I no longer feel ashamed of.

Well, mostly not ashamed.

Oh my, goth.

Quick---someone get me a Comedy Central development executive. I have a fucking unbelievable pitch for a show. Nan---gonna need you as a technical consultant, okay?

Spain's Goth First Daughters Embarrass, Embarrassed By Dad

Update: Didn't realize it, but this was actually taken at The Met last week. I foresee a large set of Met-related media clips tomorrow. Good luck with that, Terry.

Worth it.

I'll have a full review of the Rick Springfield concert later today or early tomorrow, but in the meantime, here's the obligatory concert footage nobody else will care about but me. It's Rick doing Love Somebody...and the video/audio quality from my little camera aint too bad, actually. It takes just a moment to come into focus. Um, try to ignore the early part where he talks about his naked butt...and then ignore the wiggling of said butt. Um, yeah.

You Betcha!

Welcome back for another Sunday morning installment of You Betcha!, the weekly post in which Sarah Palin picks the winners of NFL games against the spread. Um, except that proved to be too exhausting of an endeavor, so this week it's just little old me making the picks. Endure.

Last Week:

I was an outstanding 12-4 against the spread, 2-1 on my mortal locks, and my net profit on the six bets I placed last week was $12.04 (disappointing given how well I did on my picks overall).

Overall Totals:

Against the spread: 12-4
Mortal Locks: 2-1
Net profit: $12.04

Week 3 (road teams are always listed first):

1) Tennessee (+3) vs. NY Jets (-3)

The Titans are a surprising 0-2 while the Jets are a shocking 2-0. While I'm not sold on the Jets rookie QB Mark Sanchez, I'm all-in on that impressive defense. This should be a close, low-scoring game, but I like the Jets at home to go 3-0.

2) Jacksonville (+4) vs. Houston (-4)

Houston scored a much-needed upset victory last week against the aforementioned Titans. In that game, they couldn't stop Chris Johnson. This week they get Maurice Jones-Drew and likely won't be able to contain him either. Still, the Jaguars have all kinds of their own problems on defense and Houston's offense should get both the running and passing games going. At home, take the Texans in what should be high-scoring game.

3) Kansas City (+8) vs. Philadelphia (-8)

Philly is expected to be without their top QB, their top RB, their top WR...and they still are 8-point favorites. Is KC really that bad? Yes. Yes they are. This may not be the blowout people are expecting, and eight points is an awful tempting line to pick the dog against, but I can't do it. After being demolished by the Saints last week, the Eagles will come roaring back for a win.

4) Cleveland (+14) vs. Baltimore (-14)

This is a HUGE spread this early on the season, but that's an accurate reflection of how well-balanced the Ravens have played and how awesome inept the Browns have been. As wide as the gulf between these two teams may be, two touchdowns is too big of a spread to not pick the dog. The Browns are going to take lots of chances early on, and I predict "some" success. Without Jamal Lewis to weigh them down (out with an injury), they're going to have some faster, more versatile backs in the game. Look for a long scoring play or two to keep the spread in play. I'm taking Cleveland.

5) NY Giants (-7) vs. Tampa Bay (+7)

Tampa Bay will fall to 0-3 after a loss to the Giants, but they're just not that bad of a team. They will win some games, possibly even 7 or 8 when the season is finally over, but this week their hands are full. I expect Byron Leftwich to be sacked at least five times and for the Giants to easily cruise to victory. They'll cover the seven points easily, even on the road.

6) Washington (-6.5) vs. Detroit (+6.5)

Is this the week Detroit breaks their 19-game losing streak? They're home against a mediocre Washington team expected to be without their top RB, and Detroit is coming off a respectable loss to Vikings. So, is it? Nope. Detroit will lose. Again. But can they keep it within a touchdown at home? I think so...since Washington is ONLY averaging 13 points a game thus far. Take Detroit with the points.

7) Green Bay (-7) vs. St. Louis (+7)

This is a mortal lock. The Packers had a tough loss to the Bengals last week and that's kept this spread in super value territory. The Packers have flaws, but scoring isn't one of them. I expect this to be a major blowout...perhaps by 20 or 30 points. The Pack only need to cover by 7 points, so bet the house.

8) San Francisco (+7) vs. Minnesota (-7)
This is an intriguing matchup against two upstart teams with two stud RBs. I have no good feel for how this is going to play out, but when in doubt...take the home team with the best player in the league. Adrian Peterson should have success (as usual) and a TD isn't a huge spread to overcome. I'll take the Vikings.

9) Atlanta (+4.5) vs. New England (-4.5)

Now here's a tricky game to predict. I love the Falcons this year, and the Patriots are clearly working through some issues on both sides of the ball, but only a five-point favorite at home coming off a loss? Something tells me Bill Belichick is going to have these guys ready. Expect Matt Ryan to see lots and lots of pressure all day...and that pressure will work. I'll take the Pats.

10) Chicago (-3) vs. Seattle (+3)

And the second mortal lock of the week goes to the Bears. Seattle is a tough place to play, but Matt Hasselbeck is likely out for the game and that will slow their offense considerably. Meanwhile, Jay Cutler is finally developing a rapport with some of his talented, young WRs. I expect Chicago to win easily.

11) New Orleans (-6.5) vs. Buffalo (+6.5)

Probably the marquee matchup of the week, and one expected to be a high-scoring contest, the spread is closer than expected due to some key injuries for the Saints (Lance Moore and Mike Bell are out). I like what Buffalo is doing this year, and they'll be even better by the end of the season, but their secondary is banged up and that's not what you need when facing Drew Brees. Brees has eight TDs in the first two games...and he'll add at least 3 more today. The Saints will cover on the road.

12) Miami (+6) vs. San Diego (-6)

That wildcat offense sure did look effective against Indy last Monday night. And the Chargers sure do seem like a shadow of last season's team. Even so, at home, I gotta take the Chargers to cover six points. They'll be without LT yet again, but Darren Sproles proved he's up to the task. Also, the Charger run defense is a thousand times better than the Colts. Take the Chargers with confidence here.

13) Pittsburgh (-4) vs. Cincinnati (+4)

The Bengals shocked Green Bay last week. Can they do it against the defending Super Bowl champions? The answer...YES! I'm not a believer, but the Bengals have a sturdy running game with Cedric Benson. It gives Carson Palmer just enough time to look downfield for his trio of game-breaking WRs. I have zero confidence in the Bengals, but I do have a feeling this is going to be a fun, high-scoring game in which they keep it close enough to cover the spread.

14) Denver (-2) vs. Oakland (+2)

The Raiders are suddenly getting a lot of respect. It's not deserved. True, they are better than they've been in a long time, and yes, do have enough talent to expect things to get better, but they also have JaMarcus Russell at QB and he is showing almost nothing at the position. These Broncos are still a mess in the passing game, but they can still run...and the Raiders, while improved, still can't stop it. Expect Denver to cover easily.

15) Indianapolis (+2.5) vs. Arizona (-2.5)

A rare matchup between QB legends Peyton Manning and Kurt Warner. The Cardinals at home are a small favorite, and based on how shaky Indy's 2-0 start has been, that sounds about right. However, after last week's iffy performance on Monday night, I expect the Colts to come back with a much stronger showing in front of a national audience. This could very well come down to a last-second FG, but I expect the Colts to be on the winning end of that kick.

16) Carolina (+8.5) vs. Dallas (-8.5)

The Panther are going to be hit and miss all season. They have a great WR in Steve Smith, a great tandem of RBs, and they have a QB who sometimes does a decent impression of an NFL QB. You never know which team is going to show up. Dallas, while I still love'em and have high expectations for them on the season, does not matchup well with the Panthers. Nobody can even hope to run with Steve Smith...meaning they'll have to leave the middle of the field soft for that Carolina running game. I think Dallas will put this one out, but I expect a very close one here. Take the 8.5 points being given to Carolina.

Mortal Lock #1: Green Bay (-7)
Mortal Lock #2: Denver (-2)
Mortal Lock #3: Chicago (-3)

I've got $80 wagered this week, and here's what they are:

1) Green Bay (-7): $30 to win $27.27
2) Chicago (-3): $20 to win $19.05
3) Denver (-2): $25 to win $22.73
4) A five-game parlay picking Green Bay, Chicago, Denver, San Diego and the Giants: $5 to win $127.61

UPDATE: Hot damn, what a day. I've gone 11-3 in these early games, won all 3 of my mortal locks, and I won all 4 of my bets...including a massive 5-game parlay which turned $5 into $127. Hey, I might be pretty good at this.

Friday Night Video

LIVE from my hotel room in Harrahs in Atlantic City, it's the final installment of the Rick Springfield countdown! Thank god! I mean---hooray? Look...I'm tired, I'm hungover, I need some bacon and eggs pronto or else I'm going to die, and the maid keeps knocking on my door wanting to change the sheets (NO ME MOLESTA!). I'm not gonna beat around the bush. The #1 song is Jessie's Girl. OF COURSE.

Rolling Stone voted it the #1 karaoke song of all-time (back-handed compliment, but we'll take it), lefty reliever Jesse Orosco used to enter games to it when he pitched for the NY Mets (doesn't make sense), and it was the #1 song in the country when MTV hit the air on August 1, 1981. There's a good piece of trivia for'ya.

It was Rick's only #1 song and, let's face it, it's the only song any of you people claim to ever have heard by him. I've routinely disproved this notion, however, and if I had a nickel for every time I played a song for one of you only to hear, "Oh, yeah, I know that song. That was him?", I'd be able to pay for my bacon and eggs this morning instead of waiting for scraps to fall from someone's plate.

Side Note: Screw you, Atlantic City.

Jessie's Girl won Rick the Grammy for Best Male Vocal Performance, and here's that very performance. He gets introduced by the late John Denver, and then you can watch his very short but very sweet acceptance speech at the end. Ladies and gentleman, I give you...Jessie's Girl.

Breaking: Rick Springfield Afraid of Vietnamese Hookers

Rick Springfield is back in the news today, this time in an Entertainment Weekly interview in which he announces his upcoming autobiography. Guess we can add "writer" to his mammoth list of accomplishments. In the interview, sent to me by the ever-so-lovely Sarah C., Springfield relays an anecdote about being in Vietnam in 1969 when he was just 17 years old (dude is 60 years old, let's not forget). He toured for three months performing for the troops, but his version sounds a lot more exciting than simply playing some gigs:

"I almost killed the band, blew us up with a hand grenade. And we basically lived off the good grace of the hookers there and bought dope off the little kids. I look back on that and I think, I’m lucky I’m not dead from it. The only way girls could make money back then was to be a prostitute. I was a young man, and we were all pretty cute, and they would give us freebies. I went home with this one, and I said, ‘Okay, I got to go back to the barracks now,’ because we stayed with all the soldiers in tents. It was pretty rough, it wasn’t like a USO tour at all. It was just this private guy that brought Australian bands over because we’re the closest occidental country to Vietnam. She threatened me, ‘She said, if you leave tonight I’ll kill you.’ So I said, ‘Okay, I’ll stay.’ [Laughs] You never knew who had an AK-47 under their bed in Vietnam back then….”

What's great about this story isn't that Springfield was almost killed by a Vietnamese hooker, or that he bought dope from little kids, but more that he correctly used the word 'occidental' in a sentence. Kanye West can use it, but it's more like, "Yo, my interruptin was occidental. My bad, bad." The article goes on to discuss the 25-year-anniversary of the movie Hard to Hold, his upcoming appearance in Californication, and his annual cruise. I'm gonna say it---Rick Springfield is officially relevant again.

Chipmunks Covet, Too

You Betcha!

Ever desperate for new segments to take up space on BHG, especially with the Rick Springfield and Texas Rangers business both about to come to an end in the next 7-10 days, I now introduce "You Betcha!" This weekly segment, one which I'm aiming to post every Sunday morning during the football season, is a list of my picks against the NFL betting lines...as told by Sarah Palin. I've even made a small deposit at Bodog.com this week, an online sports book, so that my "top" picks of the week will have my money where Sarah Palin's mouth is. Or something like that. So, without further adieu, let's jump into this week's full slate of games.

Week 2 (road teams are always listed first)

1) Oakland (+3) vs. Kansas City (-3)

Kansas Cityans are my kind of people, God bless'em. Good, solid Midwest folk just struggling to get by. Then again, the Raiders have so many seniors that they're at serious risk of not being able to field a team after Obama's death panels go into effect. This is a close one, but Darren McFadden of Oakland will run faster than a wolf fleeing my helicopter. Am I picking Oakland? You betcha!

2) Houston (+7) vs. Tennessee (-7)

Two teams from two states that might actually vote for me in 2012. I wish I could pick both of'ya! Them Titans look more diverse this year, looking down the field more often with a rifle than with a pistol, but just like that Black Eyed People song the kids all seem to like, I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good, good night for the Texans. And they have more electoral votes. Am I picking Houston? You betcha!

3) New England (-4) vs. NY Jets (+4)

Boston versus New York---my, that's an awful lot of libruls in one place! I haven't seen that many libruls come together since the Democratic Convention when they nominated a certain black Hitler! I kid, I kid. I love that old coon. I also admire the spunk of that plucky rookie for the Jets, Mark Sanchez. He reminds me of myself, even if he is an illegal immigrant. But you know what? I make mistakes once in a while, and he's gonna have his share of them today, too. Am I picking New England? You betcha!

4) Cincinnati (+9) vs. Green Bay (-9)

That's an awful lot of points for the Packers to have to cover, especially since the Bengals have that talented OchoCinco feller on their team. My adviser tells me that means the number 85 in Mexican. And he's black, too? The Packers must be shaking in their boots! Then again, the Pack has Aaron Rodgers and he's a cutie! Am I picking Green Bay? You betcha!

5) Minnesota (-10.5) vs. Detroit (+10.5)

The Lions have been beat down more often than Ralph Nader at a meeting of the UAW. They're getting better, studying their books and what not, but last I checked they weren't the team with Adrian Peterson on the field. Ten points may seem like a lot to cover, but as a political rock star, I've seen my approval rating go up and down ten points in the blink of an eye! Am I picking the Vikings to cover? You betcha!

6) New Orleans (-2.5) vs. Philadelphia (+2.5)

I honestly don't know what that fuss over Hurricane Katrina was all about. I watched the Saints last week and they were downright awesome! Good job, Cherty! I also hear that Donovan McNabb isn't gonna play this week. And "the city of brotherly love" also sounds to me like a combination of incest and homosexuality. Am I picking New Orleans? You betcha!

7) Carolina (+6.5) vs. Atlanta (-6.5)

Two good southern teams. Now we're talking. I expect this one to be fought on the ground as both teams rely heavily on their running games. When they go vertical, however, look for the Matt Ryan to Roddy White combo to connect for at least one touchdown. But that's mostly because Falcons can fly and Panthers can't...I don't think. Am I picking Atlanta? You betcha!

8) St. Louis (+10) vs. Washington (-10)

St. Louis is an awful, awful team, but I can't bring myself to pick a team full of Washington insiders. I won't do it, folks. I just won't. I mean, sure, I'm picking Washington to win. But I refuse to pick them to cover. Not gonna do it! I'm making a stand on principle! Am I picking St. Louis? You betcha!

9) Arizona (+3) vs. Jacksonville (-3)

God bless, Kurt Warner. A true American hero right there. So, you're giving me a God Warrior and three points? This is a no-brainer. Am I picking Arizona? You betcha!

10) Seattle (+1) vs. San Francisco (-1)

You all probably expect me to make a gay joke here, don't ya? Well, I'm not gonna do it. I think it's great that an entire city of gay men found enough straight people to comprise a football team. I admire that. And the fact that they're all in one location, very easy to round up, makes things even easier for me. Am I picking San Francisco? You betcha!

11) Tampa Bay (+4.5) vs. Buffalo (-4.5)

If there's one thing I know, it's about getting attention. If I feel like I'm not getting the attention I deserve, I just do something crazy and outlandish and then...poof! I'm famous again! I hear those Buffalo Bills live in fear of Terrell Owens doing something crazy for lack of attention in Week 1. I predict they feed him early and often so he doesn't resort to Facebook. Am I picking Buffalo? You betcha!

12) Cleveland (+3) vs. Denver (-3)

This here is just crazy. I know Denver aint got that Cutler feller anymore. And I know Kyle Orton is terrifyingly mediocre (something I know a lot about!), but Cleveland is awful (something I also know a lot about!). This may be the easiest pick of the week. Am I picking Denver to cover? You betcha!

13) Baltimore (+3) vs. San Diego (-3)

Perhaps a match-up of the two best teams in the AFC, the Bolts are home but without their top offensive weapon, LaDainian Tomlinson. That'd be like me without my AK-47 on a hunt! Luckily for them, they also have Darren Sproles who can easily take his place. He's more like an M-16. Not as good as my Kalashnikov, but it'll get the job done. Am I picking San Diego? You betcha!

14) Pittsburgh (-3) vs. Chicago (+3)

Jay Cutler looked as bad last week as I do when I wake up and haven't yet put on my makeup! This week he'll have his makeup on. Sure, the Steelers are the defending Super Bowl Champs, and yeah, Brian Urlacher is out for the season, but I'm gonna take the home team and three points. The Bears are a good team who will find offensive success today. Am I picking Chicago? You betcha!

15) NY Giants (+3) vs. Dallas (-3)

Have you all seen that massive video screen at the new Cowboys stadium? My dream is to one day be on that screen, looking down on everyone. I already do this, of course, but having the screen would be even better! As for the game, please...Dallas is gonna roll the Giants right out of town. Am I picking Dallas? You betcha!

16) Indianapolis (-3.5) vs. Miami (+3.5)

Sarah Palin is...running out...of...steam. It's hard work being me. You try being me for 16 games. It's not easy. Am I picking Indianapolis? You...bet...ya. (!)

Wow, so that was sort of exhausting. I don't think I can pretend to be Sarah Palin for another 15 weeks. Look for a more straight-forward approach next week! Anyway, here are my "mortal locks" for the week. I'll do my three best picks each week:

Mortal Lock #1: Denver (-3)
Mortal Lock #2: New England (-4)
Mortal Lock #3: New Orleans (-2.5)

I've got $91 wagered on today's games, and here's what they are:

1) New England (-4): $15 to win $13.64
2) New Orleans (-2.5): $15 to win $13.04
3) Denver (-3): $25 to win $20.00
4) Dallas (-3): $15 to win $15.00
5) Indianapolis (-3.5): $15 to win $15.00
6) A 5-game parlay of the above games: $6 to win $148.19

Fact.

Rangers Score!

Not only did they score a run, but they scored THREE whole runs. And not only did they score three runs, they managed to WIN with just those three runs. Oh, sure, they were shutout for two more innings before they got the run, and yeah, sure, it took an INFIELD DOUBLE to get the job done, but damnit...they scored. And won. Leave it to 17-game winner Scott Feldman to break the losing streak and get them over the hump. He now moves into a tie with C.C. Sabathia for most wins in the American League. He also makes in a season about how much Sabathia gets paid to walk to the mound and warmup.

The win moves the Rangers back to 6.5 games behind the Angels. Being the two-faced fair weather fan that I am, here's the new spin I'm putting on things. Since the Rangers end the season with 3 more games against the Angels, all Texas really needs to do is make up 3.5 games before then. If they can enter that final series down 3 games, their season's fate rests in their own hands...which is all you can ask for, really. A win tomorrow makes up one more game, and then the Angels will have to face the Yankees for three games. It's all so improbable, but a win tomorrow will make things a wee bit more interesting at least.

Stupid Human Tricks

The video below is a guy interviewing various right wing nuts at the recent Tea Bag protest in DC. Sure, he obviously selected some of the nuttiest of the nuts, so I'm not going to try and suggest it's somehow a representative cross-section (though I'm inclined to believe it, of course), but ignorance is still rather amusing sometimes. Terrifying...but amusing. The real trick here is how these people have managed to live for as long as they have. You'd think by now that some of them would have answered a hot iron instead of the telephone, or mistaken broken shards of glass for Ranch Doritos. But no. Somehow they're still breathing and practicing their God-given right to be retarded without any actual mental defect.

Aaaaaaaand NOW it's over.

Here's the good news: in tonight's critical must-win match-up against the LA Angels, the Texas Rangers outhit them 8 to 6. That's a hell of a lot better than the 1-hit shutout they endured in their last game. But here's the bad news. The really bad news. The bad news like I've never seen other bad news before bad news. They were shutout. AGAIN.

Their offensive futility is now reaching historic proportions. With their 2-0 loss tonight, a game which pushes the Rangers to 7.5 games behind the Angels, Texas has now scored just ONE run in their last 46 innings. That's mind numbingly awful...especially since it has come against teams with generally weak pitching. In their last 11 games, Texas has been shutout a whopping 5 times. It's been a great season, and this team has the look of a serious contender for years and years to come, but I'm officially throwing in the towel on this one. With no Michael Young or Josh Hamilton around, I just don't think they'll be able to get anything going. (sigh)

Update: RangersBlog posted language almost identical to mine, but they had some of the "historic" statistics to back it up.

* The Rangers are the sixth team since 1954 to score one run in a span of five or more games.

* The last team to accomplish that ugly feat was the Washington Senators, who did it in 1964. (The Washington Senators became The Texas Rangers, fyi)

* It's the first time in Texas history they've been shut out four times in five games.

* The Rangers are just 5 innings away from setting the club record for most innings without a run.

There's no other way to say it...this is the worst week in the history of Ranger baseball. Amazing.

Friday Night Video

One week. That's all that's left, folks. Just one week. And for the countdown, that means just two more songs/videos. I honestly don't know what you'll do without this weekly segment. You might not realize it now, but you're gonna miss it. You'll wake up on Friday mornings with an anticipation you can't quite explain or place, only to go to bed at the end of the day feeling a little more empty inside than when you began. That's what it feels like to be denied your week-end dose of Rick. I pity you in advance.

I don't think there's a lot of mystery as to what the #1 video will be (though this countdown is really not in any sort of logical order), so picking this second to last song is a real challenge. Lots to choose from like Human Touch or Affair of the Heart, but I'm gonna go with Rick's third most popular song according to the billboard charts...a song featured heavily in his 1984 movie Hard to Hold, and a song that reached as high as #5 back in 1984. Love Somebody is about a woman who is running out of time to fall in love...somebody who has over idealized "the perfect image of the perfect man" to the point where it's almost too late. Nope, doesn't sound like anyone I know. It's also a song which features one of my favorite lyrics which is, "Your eyes are wild, your skin so white...you're undernourished and overfed."

This performance was from Live Aid (everyone remember that?) and the best part is the person who introduces him to the stage is...Joe Piscopo! Now we're talking.

HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS???

I can't believe I hadn't heard this news sooner, especially since I JUST finished watching the second season on DVD this week, but none other than RICK SPRINGFIELD himself will guest star in a four-episode-arc on the third season of Californication. He'll be playing himself and apparently shacks up with Marcy...the coke-snorting wife of Evan Handler's character. First, I fucking love Californication! This is way cooler than Rick doing a guest stint on something like Two and a Half Men (is that still on?). Second, why did nobody tell me about this??? I can handle it! I swear! Third, who's got Showtime? I'm coming over on September 27th for the premiere.



The Rick Springfield concert countdown continues later today...

Eddie Izzard's Run

That title was supposed to be an obscure movie reference to Eddie Macon's Run. Anybody catch that, or am I just off in my own special world again? I can go more obscure. I'll do it. Don't test me.

Anyway, Brian P., he of the recently retired Posthip.com blog, "tweeted" a remarkable story I'd heard nothing about until he, well, tweeted it. It seems Eddie Izzard just finished his 43rd marathon in 52 days. And it's not a joke. I don't even have a bowel movement 43 times in 52 days.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article6836044.ece

Remarkable.



Also, British cheerleaders...stop. Please.

Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

It's been a bad week for the Texas Rangers, easily their worst of the season and, arguably, one of their worst in history. After winning three road games against Cleveland within a span of 19 hours, a sweep which brought them to within just 1.5 games of the Boston Red Sox for the AL Wild Card spot, and games in which they scored over 10 runs in each, the Rangers have now gone 1-5. During that same stretch, the Red Sox have gone 5-0 and are in the middle of a 7-game win streak. Yeah, that's not good.

Even worse, the Rangers have now scored just 1 run in their last 37 innings. Yikes! Yes, the pitching hasn't been exactly razor sharp either, but it's certainly been good enough to avoid 1-5 if the offense simply produced at an average level. The Rangers Blog at Dallas Morning News had some horrifying statistics about this team's offensive woes:

*It's just the second time in club history that the Rangers have been shut out three times in a four-game span.

*It's the lowest run total in a four-game span since the club moved to Texas in 1972.

*The 10 shutouts this season are the most by a Rangers team since the 2003 squad was blanked 11 times.

*It's the third time this season the Rangers have been one hit.

Yes, the Rangers have been without Michael Young and Josh Hamilton, arguably their two best hitters, but these are horrendous numbers to be posting against a mediocre team like the Oakland Athletics...at home...in the throes of a playoff race. Not to make excuses, but it's a young team obviously. Very young. And if you have to replace two in-their-prime veterans from the lineup like Young and Hamilton, you court disaster when you run six guys out there who have fewer than 1,000 career ABs. That's what they did last night, and they got just 1 hit.

So it's over. Or is it?

As dark as the playoff prospects may seem for the Rangers, there is a glimmer of hope. Two of the wins by the Red Sox have come against the AL West-leading Los Angeles Angels. Even as I write this, the Red Sox are beating them for a third straight time. If the Red Sox complete the sweep, Texas will be 5.5 games behind the Angels. With just 17 games left in the season, that's a stout lead to have to overcome. Except...look who comes to Texas tomorrow night. Why it's the Angels, of course...a team the Rangers have simply dominated this season to the tune of a 9-3 record. However unlikely, a 3-game sweep this weekend would propel Texas back to 2.5 games out. The Angels would return home, but then they have to tangle with the best team in baseball...the Yankees. After that they face the same Oakland Athletics that dominated Texas this week. And after that they wrap the season with a 3-game series against...the Texas Rangers.

It aint easy. It aint likely. And it aint gonna be pretty. But it also aint over.

Like, um...

Been super swamped with worth this week as I desperately (futilely?) attempt to catch up from my wonderful vacation in Texas. Haven't had much time to write, but in the interest of, like um, you know, like um, not having this blog die an ignominious death, I thought I'd like um, like um, like post a video. Here's a mesmerizing video of a Buffalo Bills rookie being interviewed following an exhibition game. See if you can figure out what his catch-phrase is. HINT: This is not a trick question.



As the 1991 UIL Texas-state champion in extemporaneous informative speaking, this is...painful.

Bonus: Rick Springfield = matchmaker!

Shit...maybe I should just go ahead and switch this stupid blog over to Rick Springfield full-time. It would probably fill a nice niche, and it also seems to be all I can write about these days anyway. This latest post on the man, the myth, and the legend comes courtesy of Rich D., the supremely lucky dude who has the inside track on accompanying me to Atlantic City for the "concert event of the century" in two weeks. I'm quoting myself there, btw.

While reading Above The Law, an often hilarious tabloid about the legal profession (Rich is a single lawyer---ladies?), he came across a wedding announcement that gave credit to Rick Springfield for bringing together the above-pictured lucky pairing of two Yale-educated lawyers. I once dated a Yale lawyer. Meh. The actual wedding announcement is in The New York Times and it's right here, but here's the key part:

"Ms. Bickley and Mr. Carr met on the day they arrived on the Yale campus in 1995. When he heard 80’s music emanating from her dorm room, he poked his head in to discuss the artistry of Rick Springfield. They developed an instant rapport and dated for a year and a half." (instant rapport = they fucked...obviously)

Now, to be fair, I've done this sort of thing, too, but it was completely insincere. "Oh, wow, you like Dave Matthews, too? What an under-appreciated artist. Can I touch your boobs?" College was rough for me. Still, I think it's reasonable to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and assume he, like me, believes in the artistic wizardry of one Rick Springfield. It just makes sense. So not only is Rick an actor, singer, songwriter, guitarist, pianist, cartoon super hero, glass-stainer, father, husband, kicker of David Carradine's ass, and a 60-year-old man who will high-kick you into oblivion if you step up to him, he's now sort of like a musical Cupid, too, shooting hearts with his melodic notes.

Next task for Super Rick...health care reform.

Friday Night Video

Anyone suffering from Rick Springfield fatigue yet? Yeah, me neither. We're now just two weeks away from the concert in Atlantic City, and that means just three more videos in this ten-week countdown. You will learn to appreciate him, god damnit, or I will fucking die trying!

This week I've chosen a video which is historically significant in terms of its director. Depending on what source you look at, the 1984 video for Bop 'Til You Drop, a song from Rick's movie Hard to Hold, is the first professional "thing" directed by the great David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven, Zodiac). He was barely 22-years-old at the time, but Fincher's visual style was already well-formed and on full display here. While the following video is laughably silly most of the time (Rick saves the enslaved human race from their alien overlords in a dystopian future???), this is unmistakably Fincher. Fincher's film debut would come eight years later with the criminally underrated Alien 3 sequel, but if you view that movie and this video side by side, the similarities are striking. It's way dated, of course, but if you want to see the creative birth of a great filmmaker, one complete with wretched excess and animatronic aliens, this is the video to see. The song...meh. Not one of my favorites, but hey, they can't all be winners.

Interestingly, Fincher collaborated with Springfield on two other videos as well as a feature-length concert video called The Beat of the Live Drum. And yes, I did special order that VHS gem back when I worked at Blockbuster Video. I don't think people would ever associate Rick Springfield with David Fincher, but there you have it. A symbiotic relationship that advanced one career and launched another. Go figure.

As easy as 1, 2, 3.

The Texas Rangers pulled off a 3-game sweep of the Cleveland Indians today, doing so by winning all three games in the span of about 19 hours. With a doubleheader sweep yesterday, their second sweep of a doubleheader in the last eight days, coupled with the early afternoon victory today, they accomplished the ever-so-rare feat of winning three games in one day. With outstanding offense in all three games (11, 10, and 10 runs), they easily erased the bad memory of being shutout by the lowly Orioles for 16 consecutive innings prior to this series. The sweep moves them to within 1.5 games of Boston for the Wild Card...the closest they've been in awhile. Sweet.

Notching the win today was the unstoppable Scott Feldman. I still think he'll barely get a mention in the Cy Young voting, but his resume is starting to stack up with the best. With seven scoreless innings today, he improved his record to 16-4 (amazing win percentage) and lowered his ERA to 3.46, done in just 26 starts (he was not in the opening day rotation). He's now won seven straight decisions and allowed 1 earned run or less in 5 of his last 6 starts. He's tied with Justin Verlander and C.C. Sabathia for the most wins in the AL, and his quickly descending ERA is now just a few notches behind those other two contenders (though far behind KC's Zach Greinke). If Feldman keeps this up over the final three weeks, it'd be hard to ignore him in Cy Young balloting.

The Rangers have an off-day tomorrow before returning home for a key 9-game homestand. The Red Sox have the easier schedule remaining, so it's important the Rangers use this stretch to do more than just tread water. It's now time to make a serious move.

23 games left.

The View From My Feet (#2)

Father, son, scotch. This is so Boston Legal. September 7, 2009.

The View From My Feet

Inspired by Andrew Sullivan, but with a podiatry twist:



The Smith homestead in Dallas, Texas. September 6, 2009.

Evil Farm

Here's a puzzle that my friend Ann Marie found and posted to Facebook a few weeks ago. It's downright evil. No, I mean really, really, really evil. The instructions aren't crystal clear, but basically it's a massive 5x5 grid and you begin in the middle of it with nothing more to help you than a box saying "On The Farm." To the left you then enter things you associate with a farm which, if found in the puzzle, begins to expand the various word associations. The more you get, the more themed grids you open up...some of which deal with poker, Quentin Tarantino, and almost everything else under the sun. It's challenging, it's addictive, and it's impossible. It's not meant to be finished by one person (or maybe even 100), but is instead intended as more of a collaborative mind-fuck. I turned Morgan on to it right at the point when I reached the end of my rope with it, and that crazy no-life chick is still at it.

WARNING: Only follow this link if you have no life, no friends, and nothing to do for the rest of your life. I take no responsibility for a decline in productivity, for the dissolution of your relationships, or any catastrophic affliction that results from playing this game. You have been warned.

Funny Farm - click here if you meet the above criteria to play

Neftali Update

Rangers won their fourth in a row tonight, 5-1 behind the outstanding starting pitching of Scott Feldman and the dominant relief work of Neftali Feliz. With yet another road victory, his eleventh of the season, Feldman moves his overall record to 15-4 and lowers his ERA to 3.62. He won't get any serious consideration for the league-wide award, but there's little doubt that Feldman has been the Cy Young of the Rangers. He's been nothing short of brilliant in the second half of the season and he's now tied for second in the AL in wins.

But even more impressive is the flat-out ridiculous season being had by Neftali Feliz. He earned his second save of the season in tonight's game by pitching another 2.1 innings of perfect baseball. No hits, no walks, no runs, and another pair of strikeouts. He's now up to 22 innings in his young career and has allowed just 5 hits, given up 1 run, 1 walk, and tossed 28 strikeouts. There's no way to sugarcoat it---we're seeing the best start to a career, perhaps, in history.

Since the Rangers gave up 18 runs in that heartbreaking loss on Monday, they've allowed just 9 runs total in their last 4 games. Yep, that'll get it done...even if they are without two of their best hitters, Michael Young and Josh Hamilton. With a Red Sox loss tonight, they've now creeped back to just 2.5 games back of the Wild Card. In the words of Rip Torn in Defending Your Life, "this is damn exciting stuff here."

Friday Night Video

Just three weeks to go before Rick's concert in Atlantic City...which is also about how much time is left in the baseball season. After that, things should return to normal around here---less baseball, less Springfield, more politics, more movies. Hang in there.

This week I go with a cut off his newish album Venus in Overdrive. Released a year ago, the album reached as high as 28th on the U.S. Billboard 200, his biggest commercial success in over 23 years and a fairly impressive comeback from relative obscurity. The album was well reviewed (a 65 on Metacritic) with All-Music saying, "By letting all of his sides surface here, Springfield winds up with a satisfying album, as it gets to his sober nature without abandoning his fizzy gift." The LA Times also chimed in with, "What's surprising about "Venus," isn't its nonexistent creative detours, but how taut and tuneful Springfield's writing is in gems like "I'll Miss That Someday," "Time Stand Still" and "One Passenger," all of which move with the muscular efficiency of current radio fare."

The album isn't exactly a classic, but it's very entertaining, very listenable and, considering the man is 60-years-old, very impressive. Here's "I'll Miss That Someday," performed live in concert.

Yee freaking haw.

Back in Dallas!

This is a much-needed vacation and I shall be pushing the limits of relaxation over the next ten days---and that means a bit of a break from Boy Hates Girl, too. I won’t be totally quiet (Rick Springfield blogs don’t write themselves), but I’ll be posting a little less frequently, I suspect. Then again, sitting by a pool with a beer in hand is not the worst time to scribe a few blogs.

Oh, hey look…it’s already Friday. You know what that means…

It could be worse.

With 30 games left in the season, the Texas Rangers now find themselves 3.5 games behind the Boston Red Sox in the Wild Card race and, pending tonight's action, either 4.5 or 5.5 games behind the Angels in the AL West. In other words, they're slipping---but only slightly. More accurately, the Red Sox have gotten hot. Since dropping 2 of 3 to Texas, the Sox have won 11 of 14 while Texas is just 8-8 over the same stretch. Playing .500 ball isn't exactly a summer swoon, but it's also not going to get it done.

Even so, there's still room for optimism. The Rangers continue to follow up tough losses with tough wins. Just when you think they're on the verge of a total collapse, they pull back from the precipice and renew this lonely fan's hope. Today was a perfect example. In last night's game against the Blue Jays, the Rangers trailed 11-0 half-way through the game. Ugh. Yet, astonishingly, they battled back to make it 11-10 in the 9th inning, nearly completing a miraculous comeback of historic proportions...only to give up 8 runs in the 9th inning and lose 18-10. Devastating. Throw in the towel. Worst loss of the season. The Rangers of old. Or was it? Today they played a double-header and won both games by a score of 5-2. THAT is certainly not the Rangers of old, and THAT is why they'll stick around.

Speaking of sticking around, I think my boy Neftali will be around for a good while. He pitched in one of those wins today---another two perfect innings of relief for him. His numbers are just sick right now. Check this out:

11 Games, 19.2 IP, 5 Hits, 1 ER, 1 BB, 26 Ks

When was the last time you saw a 26:1 ratio of anything, let alone strikeouts to walks? Ridiculous. Oh, and in case you think he's getting used in easy situations, in those 11 games he's held a lead 8 times and earned a save in another. The dude is money.

Also money is Chris Davis. The Rangers welcomed him back from AAA last week and he's now hit safely in 7 of his 8 games, added 2 HRs, and had 9 RBIs over that stretch...not to mention great defense. Talk about a non-steroid shot in the arm.

10 of the next 13 games for the Rangers are against three of the league's worst teams. It's put up or shut up time. They need to take no fewer than 9 of those games to stay in it. Here's hoping.