The Third Most Humiliating Thing Is...

...photo-shopping my own love handles out of a picture.

The second most humiliating thing is realizing I only know how to do this in MS Paint. Badly.

And the most humiliating thing? Just giving the fuck up and asking a 22-year-old girl I met in an Atlantic City bar to do it for me....while explaining to her it was only because I was wearing my jeans too high that day.

Dignity is dead.

Thanks to my friend Jeanette O'Keefe for throwing a "Portrait Party" this past weekend. She's super talented even when her subjects aren't. You can check out more of her work here.

Investment Opportunity

Last night I had a brilliant idea for a Jewish-themed strip club. "Yom Strippur" is set to open in Greenpoint in the summer of 2011. Right now I'm looking for investors and strippurs...in either order. If you know of any, send them this way. Shalom.

The Ten Things I Hate About...

Really? I haven't posted anything since June 22nd? Wow. How lazy am I? Well, since I paid for a renewal of my domain name last month (actually, it was set to automatic renewal so I didn't have a choice in the matter...otherwise we're probably not having this conversation), I might as well try and average something less than $24.95 per post a year. But I am still lazy, so let's ease back into this with a simple list of ten things that I've been hatin' on the last few weeks. You know...a "back to my roots" kind of post.

1) Derek Jeter winning another Gold Glove.

2) A John Boehner-led House of Representatives.

3) Crank 2: High Voltage

4) The utter lack of audience attractiveness at last week's Rick Springfield concert.

5) John Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity.

6) Turning a year older last month.

7) Subclinical hyperthyroidism.

8) Blogging.

9) Twitter.

10) Morgan.

Yep, that's a good start.