Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Top 10 Repeated Stories (evidently)

10. The story of how my parents duped both me and the State of Texas into thinking my birthday was July 29th instead of October 29th. This charade lasted for YEARS.

9. The story of how my personal DVD collection is the exclusive and ongoing result of a large, gay pirate named Marvin.

8. The story of how I was detained by Baylor University campus police for trespassing while attempting to get their mascot (a bear) to jump from its bed into a pool of water.

7. The story of how I was hit by car at the age of 10, causing a compound fracture of my leg, a concussion, and the loss of function in my left kidney. Ouch.

6. The story of how on a pseudo-first date my leg fell asleep while sitting, and then when I got up I fell over and couldn't get up for the longest two minutes of my life...in public.

5. The story of how my 1985 Volkswagen Golf's brakes went out (just like in the movies), forcing me to weave in and out of four lanes of oncoming traffic until safely coming to rest on a grassy median.

4. The story of how my 12-foot U-Haul trailer (connected to my pickup truck) was there one moment, and then, after glancing back a moment later, nowhere to be found.

3. The story of how I made a girl cry during a high school debate. Twice.

2. The story of how I drove actor Jeff Fahey (most recently of Lost) in the middle of the night to a New Mexico Indian casino where we discussed existentialism and gambled away all of my money.

1. The story of how I once went on a date with a Jewish Republican who, within two minutes of my meeting her, proved to be the most annoying person I've ever met. The date then last six more hours.

6 Comments:

Blogger JMW said...

Hey, you might repeat them, but at least they're awesome stories. You've had quite a life.

November 20, 2008 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger JMW said...

Hey, you might repeat them, but at least they're awesome stories. You've had quite a life.

November 20, 2008 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger JMW said...

I swear that my comment showing up twice is not some lame attempt on my part at commenting on the "repeating" of your stories. It seems your blog automatically does it to my comments. It must love me extra.

November 20, 2008 at 3:38 PM  
Blogger Morgan said...

i have only ever heard 10, 9, and 7 many times, and 2 only once. otherwise those were all priceless gems. especially #6. classic.

November 20, 2008 at 10:37 PM  
Blogger lmha said...

Wow. I've known you for almost 20 years and the only one of those I remember clearly is the kidney story. Maybe the girl crying in debate story barely - and that wasn't me for the record. So please! Fill me in on these other delightful yarns.

December 11, 2008 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger Kraig Smith said...

Laurie, you'll have to wait until I see you again for me to spin these yarns. My stories aint free, darling. ;)

December 11, 2008 at 1:46 PM  

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