Out with the old, in with the new.

This will be the final post for 2008 and I just wanted to wish all of you a happy and healthy New Year. This was actually a pretty damn good year, so 2009 has some mighty big shoes to fill. Love to all my friends and enemies. See you on the other side...

Movie #34: Kung Fu Panda

We may not be able to fully appreciate it right now, but we are truly living in the golden age of animated cinema. It's not just that the technical artistry of digital animation has reached previously unknown heights, but the care given to story, dialogue, voice acting and sound design rivals the best of non-animated movies...and, does so, seemingly, on a much more regular basis. From Ratatouille to WALL-E to Horton Hears a Who to Kung Fu Panda, chances are pretty good if you go see an animated film these days that you're in for something special.

Kung Fu Panda, while perhaps being the least ambitious of those four films, may actually be the most enjoyable. Jack Black is perfectly cast as the title character, and Dustin Hoffman is also wonderful as his vaguely Jewish master and mentor. Ian McShane of Deadwood fame turns in a chilling performance as the villain, and his character's on-screen introduction instantly goes down as a classic moment. There aren't many surprises here. The plot is about what you'd expect, albeit a bit darker than the usual fare, but the animation is brilliant and exhilarating...easily the best (or damn close) I've seen in a movie. Evidently the inclusion of clothing on furry animals is a major hurdle in digital animation. Who knew?

Put simply, the whole damn thing works. It's hilarious for most of the movie, thrilling in parts, and moving in others. They don't have to make these animated movies this good to make as much money as they do, but I'm ever so grateful that they do.

Grade: 9/10

Movie #33: Kabluey

Kabluey, an Austin-made film about a slacker (of course) who comes to help out his sister-in-law and her kids while his brother's tour in Iraq is extended, is one of those strange films where the sum is far greater than its parts. It's a decidedly low-budget indie comedy...and it shows. Some of the acting is quite bad at times; the lead lacks charisma; the direction and cinematography is amateurish; and several attempts at humor fall so flat that it's hard to comprehend why they weren't just cut. In spite of these glaring weaknesses, Kabluey somehow manages to rise above itself and be...decent.

Written, directed and starring Scott Prendergast, Kabluey's humor is mostly the result of a visual gimmick---a faceless, blue costume that Prendergast is forced to wear as a part-time job. The sight of this depressed, blue, Smurf-like creature on the side of a highway is amusing, but this isn't your standard indie slacker comedy looking for cheap laughs. For one, it's not all that funny. In truth, the film is more an examination of the effect of the war and a bad economy than it is a comedy about a guy in a funny costume. And that aspect of the movie works, and works well. Lisa Kudrow as the wartime wife turns in an excellent, dramatic performance, one which just last week earned her a surprising Satellite Award nomination for Best Actress in a Comedy---even though her performance evokes more tears than laughs.

Kabluey earns points for not being the film it easily could have been. It also earns points for being an earnest effort by its writer-director-star Prendergrast. His talent is rough, and he should probably stay behind the camera instead of in front of it, but he may very well make a great movie one day (the New York Times and others already think he has). Unfortunately, while the end result is altogether unexpected and somewhat redemptive, getting there just isn't a lot of fun.

Grade: 5/10

Movie #32: Get Smart

Steve Carell is one of those comic actors who, for me, walks a very fine line between hilarious and irritating. His shtick is heavy on physical humor and funny sounds, not unlike a Jim Carrey. But, unlike Carrey, Carell has thus far in his career managed to mostly dance on the funny side of that thin line...usually because he has both better material to work with, and because he seems to sense when too much is too much. In Get Smart, while he sometimes peers over the line and threatens to venture into Ace Ventura territory, Carell makes the most of a standard-fare script and produces enough laughs to make it enjoyable.

Perhaps the most pleasant surprise in Get Smart is the decision to not make Maxwell Smart an incompetent narcissist. Sure, there's a few (hilarious) scenes where Smart makes stupid mistakes, but this isn't Ernest Goes To Secret Agent Camp, and it's a lot better the movie for it. Carell also manages to infuse the role of Smart with genuine vulnerability, something which makes it hard to not like him. While I was a "fan" of the original television show, I'd be the first to admit that the Don Adams's version of Smart was not nearly as sympathetic or likable as Carell's.

The film bogs down in an action-heavy final act which is neither funny enough nor exciting enough, but there's enough worthy moments preceding it to recommend it.

Grade: 6/10

The hits keep on coming...

Chip Saltsman, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee’s campaign manager during the Republican presidential primaries and, now a candidate to become the leader of the Republican National Committee, distributed a CD containing the satirical track “Barack the Magic Negro” as part of his campaign to win the chairmanship of the party. While the current chairman, Mike Duncan, has said all the right things in distancing himself from Saltsman's choice in musical parodies, is there any doubt the GOP will struggle to settle on a consistent strategy for reframing their party's image for several years to come? It must be damn infuriating to be a fair-minded, conservative Republican these days when there are still key factions of the party determined to pander to the lowest common denominator as the "future" of the party.

Movies #30 and #31: Henry Fool and Fay Grim

Today we review Hal Hartley's 1997 indie classic Henry Fool and his 2007 sequel Fay Grim---a strange choice for sequeldom to be sure. In some ways they don't even deserve to be reviewed as companion films. They are, perhaps, better pieces of work when viewed apart from one another than as a pair. I dare say it might even be best to watch Henry Fool first and then wait ten years to watch Fay Grim, but once you watch Henry Fool it will be impossible to resist the allure of revisiting these characters as soon as possible.

While my own screenwriting ambitions have taken a back seat these past few years, I largely credit Hartley's 1992 Simple Men with inspiring me to pursue writing as, first, a hobby, and then, later, a career (and now as some hideous demon lurking just beneath the surface). His singular style as an indie auteur struck all the right notes for me. His films were eccentric, witty, moody, awkward, cool and, at its core, although disguised, was an irrepressible fondness for the strange but beautiful connections people can make. I wanted to be Hal Hartley. Unfortunately, my writing style never came close to resembling his unique voice, but the desire to create something as compelling as Simple Men eventually sent me to grad school to get my M.A. in Screenwriting. In this respect I sort of blame Hal Hartley for my moderately useless degree, an excessive amount of student loan debt, and the many many hours I spent toiling away on an unproduced script for Pumpkinhead 3. After seeing Henry Fool, he is forgiven.

Despite being a Hartley fan, and despite Henry Fool generally being his best reviewed film, it somehow slipped off my radar at the time of its release. I'd seen snippets here and there, but the film went unwatched year after year after year. I finally put it in my DVD queue about a year ago, and even then I still kept piling films above it so it would never rise to the top. Finally, thanks to an odd confluence of events in my queue, Henry Fool was mailed to me...where it languished for another three weeks before I finally settled in to watch it.

Like other Hartley films, Henry Fool is full of witty, intellectual dialogue, off-beat characters, self-indulgent rantings, and hard-to-grasp meanings. One is never quite sure just how serious Hartley wants you to take the story, and sometimes you're not even certain what that story might be about or what he'd like you to feel about whatever it might be about. In a nutshell, Henry Fool, played with delicious zest by Thomas Jay Ray, is a mysterious wanderer who enters the lives of a family in Queens. He's a chain-smoking "poet" with a complicated past who seems to combine qualities of Dennis Leary, George Plympton, and Charles Bukowski. Chicks, obviously, love him.



He is, in many ways, an abomination of nature (and his past is genuinely dark)...and yet there is something so intriguing about him that he's able to inspire a lowly garbage man, Simon Grim, to become a Nobel Prize-winning poet. The story then becomes an interesting examination of art v. morality v. capitalism, while simultaneously revealing Henry for what he really is. It's a decidedly ambitious film. Parts works, others don't, but Henry Fool has that rare effect of lingering in the psyche hours, days, even (now) weeks after its viewing. It's imperfect perfection.

One can easily go through the script and find scenes to excise that would make it a tighter and more mainstream narrative, but therein lies some of the pleasure of a Hal Hartley film. You could almost use the aphorism of "whatever doesn't ruin the movie makes a Hal Hartley film stronger."


The ending of Henry Fool is somewhat ambiguous, but that ambiguity is completely obliterated within the opening few moments of the ten-years-later sequel, Fay Grim. Fay, played by indie-queen Parker Posey, is the wife and mother of Henry's child from the first movie. Without giving too much away of either film, suffice it to say that this sequel (co-produced by Mark Cuban) takes this franchise in an entirely different and somewhat unwelcome direction. Whereas the first movie is a bizarre, simple character piece shot entirely in Queens, the second becomes a tongue-in-cheek international espionage thriller spanning from New York to Paris to Istanbul...except the further the film progresses, the less firmly planted that tongue becomes. As Ty Burr of the Boston Globe put it, "this is something like setting a sequel to "Little Miss Sunshine " on a submarine and asking the cast to deliver their lines in Esperanto. Why go to the trouble if you're going to start from scratch anyway? The answer is: Artist's prerogative."

It's almost astonishing to watch the film get increasingly serious in its tone, daring the audience to go along with the idea that Fay Grim, an underachieving single mother from Queens, could somehow transform into James Bond-lite. Sound preposterous? It is. And it isn't. Are you catching my drift about Hal Hartley's movies just yet? They're very hard to nail down. The absurd becomes ordinary, and the ordinary becomes absurd. That's not to say that Fay Grim is a good movie. In truth, it was hard to conceal my disappointment for it having seen Henry Fool just a few days prior. As I said, they don't even seem to go together. Still, there are enough moments in Fay Grim to justify its existence and, once again, the character of Henry Fool steals the show. Evidently, Hartley and the cast plan on revisiting these characters at least once more, perhaps in another ten years and, no doubt, will turn expectations on their ear.

Henry Fool Grade 8/10
Fay Grim Grade 5/10

Worst decision ever. EVER.

Every Sunday morning during football season I engage in a tried and true ritual of spontaneous and unprovoked self-destructive behavior. It usually involves me making about 3 or 4 last second manic lineup changes to my fantasy football team, all of which inevitably result in far worse scores for my team than had I just trusted my initial instincts and left things alone. But I don't. I can't. I never have been able to do so. This happens EVERY week like a sick compulsion to meddle and out think myself. It's become so bad that friends now ask me what to do for their teams...simply so they can do the opposite. The only reason I even do well in fantasy football at all is because I always have good starters and good bench players, so a few bad decisions rarely result in significant consequences. Rarely.

For those that know nothing about or care not for fantasy football, feel free to tune out. It only gets wonkish from here on out.

This week, week 16, was a playoff week for fantasy football leagues. For almost the entire season I have dominated my opponents by going 11-3 with the most points in the league. Only one of the other 11 teams in the league has played at a level even remotely close to mine. The first bad decision of the morning was my replacing one of the league's best fantasy quarterbacks (Aaron Rogers) with the quarterback of the NFL's worst team in history---the 0-15 Detroit Lions. There was a certain logic to it at the time, something to do with bad weather and bad pass defenses, but the reasoning is lost on me now...especially since the replacement scored an abysmal 1 point. He was so bad that the WORST TEAM IN NFL HISTORY BENCHED HIM in the fourth quarter. Rogers plays tomorrow night, so the final tally on this bad decision is not yet known---but, for reference, Rogers has scored over 20 points on six occasions, and his worst performance was literally five times better than what this schmo did.

But wait---there's more. This league, for which there's well over $200 at stake for the winner, requires you to start a "team defense," which is scored based on how many points the team gives up to their opponent, how many sacks they record, how many balls they intercept, etc. The initial team I had in my lineup was Minnesota, but at 12:54 pm I replaced them with San Diego who was on my bench. The Minnesota team defense scored 0 fantasy points today and San Diego scored 9 points, so that ended up being a brilliant decision. Except...that at 12:57 pm I decided to add and start the Cincinnati defense instead. That, as it turned out, was an even better move as the Bengals held the Browns scoreless today and forced four interceptions. It was a truly remarkable defensive effort that resulted in an astonishing 22 fantasy points...easily the best in the league this week by far.

And then, from the television in the background, I heard the magic words, "we've got heavy snow here today in New England." Impulsive as ever, I sought to capitalize on the poor weather conditions which would no doubt keep the scoring in the New England game low and the play sloppy. At 12:59pm, just one minute before the deadline to submit lineup changes, I went from the Bengals defense to the Arizona Cardinals defense. Whereas the Bengals won their game 14-0, the Cardinals lost their game 47-7. Yes, within one minute I had gone from the best decision in the world to the worst----from a 22 point defense to a -7 point defense. A 29-point swing.

In spite of all that, I still had a chance to win my playoff game this week---right up until DeAngelo Williams ran for his fourth touchdown tonight.

I hate you all.

America will CRUSH the Asian car competition!

But only under the wheels of a monster truck. And only Hyundais, not Hondas. And only after the monster truck breaks in its first attempt.

Island Chevrolet general sales manager James Severtson arranged for a Chevrolet Suburban SUV outfitted with massive tires costing $5,000 apiece to drive over a Honda Accord.

On the first attempt Friday, the monster truck blew a hydraulic hose and leaked vital fluid while the Honda remained intact and ready for more.

After several hours, the truck was repaired and driver Ryan Kepiki tried again, this time with a Hyundai Excel sedan parked next to the Honda.

Awkward.

"...free and open inquiry"

This from Obama today as he announced some additions to key science posts in his administration:

"From landing on the moon, to sequencing the human genome, to inventing the Internet, America has been the first to cross that new frontier because we had leaders who paved the way. Leaders who not only invested in our scientists, but who respected the integrity of the scientific process. Because the truth is that promoting science isn't just about providing resources — it's about protecting free and open inquiry. It's about ensuring that facts and evidence are never twisted or obscured by politics or ideology."

One can only hope this means the White House will no longer be editing and redacting the reports of its scientists--no matter what those reports might contain.

Proposition Gatea.

There's no television show that's been more frustrating to watch than Battlestar Galactica, what with its wildly erratic swings from greatness to awfulness, sometimes within the same episode. The show will finally be coming to an end, its last episodes slated to start airing on January 16th. I'm somewhat optimistic they'll go out on a high note, but my expectations have been damped down by the show's repeated failures and insistence on self-important musings on the nature of humanity and spirituality.

Still, it's a show that's never been afraid to artfully tackle hot-button political issues of the day by mirroring real-world doings within its own fictitious universe. One issue they haven't dealt with, however, is homosexuality, but even that appears destined for its own storyline this season. As the first "webisode" confirms, Lieutenant Felix Gaeta, long rumored to be gay, will in fact be portrayed as such...and something tells me this will be a brilliant stroke of storytelling. Even better is that it takes place in the context of a military setting, which will no doubt call out the absurd "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

The webisodes, of which there are currently three available, look good. I'm reluctantly enthused. (sigh) I've posted the first one below. Then, below that, is a trailer for the Battlestar Galactica prequel-spinoff, "Caprica," which looks entirely different and pretty damn good, too. And it stars Eric Stoltz!

Movie #29: The X-Files: I Want to Believe

You know how sometimes you get really really excited to have some old friends come and visit you that you hadn't seen or talked with in quite some time? And you know how sometimes when those old friends show up you realize there's not a lot to talk about that isn't just a rehash of past memories? And you know how, once you've run out of old things to talk about, there's a bit of an awkward silence where all parties obviously regret having gotten back together in the first place? Well, welcome back FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully!

Although the second movie in the X-Files series does, at times, capture some of the charm and charisma that made the television show one of my all-time faves, by and large it struggles along on the level of a slightly above-average episode---which is fine for the small screen, but noticeably deficient for the big screen. In some respects I didn't really mind. My fondness for these characters is so immense that even watching them slog through sub-par material has a certain joy to it. Still, the movie has no discernible climax--certainly not a satisfying one, few thrills or chills, and the once-smoldering chemistry between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson is now more of a room-temperature burn. This might have something to do with Duchovny now convincingly playing a sex addict on Californication. Also, while I adore Amanda Peet, her role on Studio 60 makes it almost impossible for me to take her serious as a special agent in charge of an FBI manhunt. On the flip side, I detest Billy Connolly, so he's actually quite believable as a pedophile priest with psychic visions.

As a fan, The X-Files: I Want to Believe is a mediocre but mostly welcome visit by some old friends. Still, what it really did most was make me want to re-watch the first few seasons of the television show---which, by the way, I would gladly except as a gift.

Grade: 5/10

The Universal Language of Manicure?

Let's say there's a guy---hypothetically---and this hypothetical guy goes to get a hypothetical manicure once every few months or so---hypothetically speaking, of course. Now, while this guy never patronizes the same hypothetical Vietnamese manicurist shop/salon/slave factory each and every time he gets one, there is a ritual flourish that seems to be followed no matter who is performing the manicure. The part in question is at the conclusion of the wonderfully delightful and moistureiffic hand massage (or so this gentleman might exclaim). When each hand is done, the manicurist makes a fist with her hand and then gently pounds the top of the guy's hand--twice--as an obvious symbol of her having finished. This is not unlike a card dealer doing his fancy hand maneuver right before he is replaced by another dealer. I guess my question---err, my friend's question---is this standard? And by standard, I mean does it always happen this way...with the fist pound?

Ninja Cat will kill you as you sleep.

(tip: Becky)

Movie #28: The Foot Fist Way

The Foot Fist Way, the literal English translation of tae kwan do, is a truly odd independent comedy---one which I'm not even sure what to think of a week after having viewed it. Whereas The Hammer (movie #22), another low-budget indie comedy, succeeded by making its title character a sympathetic loser, The Foot First Way attempts to succeed by making its leading man an unsympathetic jerk of the highest order. I can sympathize.

The film does a remarkable job of walking a fine line between reality and absurdity, helped considerably by the filmmakers holding tae kwan do in a sort of half-mocking reverence...which, admittedly, sounds rather paradoxical...not unlike the movie. Just when you think the movie is going to tilt to an unabashed silly comedy ala Will Ferrell (one of the film's executive producers), it reigns itself back in and does a good job of convincing the audience that, yes, these characters might actually exist. In many ways the movie reminds me of Reno: 911, just a bit more believable, a bit less silly, and a lot less funny.

While there are several laugh-out-loud moments, there aren't quite enough of them to generally say the movie is "funny", perhaps because of the movie's identity crisis. Nothing crystalizes this crisis better than the alternate ending on the DVD. In the theatrical release, Fred Simmons, the main character played by Danny McBride, rebuffs his wife's attempt to get back together by removing his wedding ring and pissing on it. In the DVD's alternate ending, he snaps her neck and then heads to a tae kwan do competition so he won't let his students down. And there you have The Foot Fist Way in a nutshell: to piss or murder...that is the question. It's an interesting film, and for that I give it some credit, but as a comedy it's only passable.

Grade: 5/10

Movie #27: Pan's Labyrinth

Technically, I only got about 1/3 of the way through this one--for purposes of the 30/30/30 thing--but I've decided to go ahead and keep posting movie reviews of all "new" movies as I watch them. I won't follow the 30-word rule, but I will keep them generally short and sweet. And who knows, perhaps when I find myself with an excessive amount of time on my hands in the future I will once again return to some sort of ill-advised monthly-movie-marathon. If there's one thing I can safely say, it's that I rarely, if ever, learn from my mistakes. I think this makes me the ultimate idealist.

Pan's Labyrinth was one of those movies I always wanted to see in theory, but given the fact that I generally dislike films with a strong fantasy element, and given that the film has subtitles, it was always hard to get motivated to watch it. Foolish me. Having seen almost all of Guillermo del Toro's previous films, including, most recently, Hellboy 2 (movie #10 for those keeping track), I should have known that Pan's Labyrinth would be as good as advertised. While known for his unique and dark visual style, the thing that makes del Toro's films appealing to me is his storytelling ability. Cool-looking creatures are never enough to hold my interest for an entire feature, but when sprinkled into a compelling narrative rooted in real world horror---in this case 1944 fascist Spain---the monsters, both real and fantasy, take on an even more menacing persona.

Grade: 9/10

A perfect love whose name we dare not speak.

It seems I've recently become smitten with a girl. Yes, it's a girl on a subway ad for Bank of America, but I promise my love for her is as genuine as any other love a man can have for a woman who doesn't really exist. For the last two weeks or so, almost every day, the future Mrs. Smith sits across from me on the A-train staring at me---unblinking. Each day I'm routinely transfixed by her flirtatious gaze; the hint of a coy, restrained smile. She's absolutely mesmerizing to me. She's cute and pretty. She's nice and normal. She's funny and edgy. She might even be Jewish which would no doubt satisfy the rents and ensure a large wedding spectacular. She even seems to be age-appropriate which would satisfy my skeptical friends. Whenever I see her on the train, I lose all focus. I can't read my book, I can only sit across from her and stare back. I think I even winked at her yesterday. This is so wrong. And yet...so right.

Proposition Hate. (part 2)

This will be an ongoing series of posts, some short and some long, and this one gets to report on an encouraging new poll published in Newsweek this week. Among the findings which support my belief that opposition to gay marriage is in serious decline and on the road to its ultimate extinction:

"Despite the recently approved state measures, public opinion nationally has shifted against a federal ban on same-sex marriage. In 2004, people were evenly divided on the question, with 47 percent favoring a constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage and 45 percent opposing one. In the latest poll, however, 52 percent oppose a ban and only 43 percent favor one."

"Fifty-five percent of respondents favored legally sanctioned unions or partnerships, while only 39 percent supported marriage rights. Both figures are notably higher than in 2004, when 40 percent backed the former and 33 percent approved of the latter."

"When it comes to according legal rights in specific areas to gays, the public is even more supportive. Seventy-four percent back inheritance rights for gay domestic partners (compared to 60 percent in 2004), 73 percent approve of extending health insurance and other employee benefits to them (compared to 60 percent in 2004), 67 percent favor granting them Social Security benefits (compared to 55 percent in 2004) and 86 percent support hospital visitation rights (a question that wasn't asked four years ago)."

"In other areas, too, respondents appeared increasingly tolerant. Fifty-three percent favor gay adoption rights (8 points more than in 2004), and 66 percent believe gays should be able to serve openly in the military (6 points more than in 2004)."

The two biggest reasons for this ongoing shift seem to be generational differences and, quite simply, that more people report knowing someone who's gay.

"Essentially, the younger you are, the more likely you are to support same-sex marriage. About half of those aged 18 to 34 back marriage rights, compared to roughly four in 10 among those aged 35 to 64 and only about two in 10 among those 65 and older."

"In 1994, a NEWSWEEK Poll found that only 53 percent of those questioned knew a gay or lesbian person, that figure today is 78 percent. Drilling down a bit more, 38 percent of adults work with someone gay, 33 percent have a gay family member and 66 percent have a gay friend or acquaintance."

As more people come of maturity in a society where homosexuality is not as taboo (or illegal!) as it was even 20 years ago, the more homosexuality will be viewed through the lens of normality, creating a lasting legacy of equality. As with racism, it's a lot harder to be racist if you were born into and raised in a world where blacks were afforded equal rights. It wasn't until a 1989 episode of thirtysomething did we first see on network television two men in the same bed...and even that "risque" scene, which was basically a morning-after conversation, sparked huge protests. Now, 19 years later, such scenes (and much more) are commonplace and, more importantly, not viewed as being all that different from similar scenes featuring heterosexual couples.

To be crass, and I love to be crass, in twenty years a good percentage of the people opposed to gay marriage will be dead. I don't wish to hasten their demise, and I'd rather see their attitudes change organically, but hey, old people who vote are probably the biggest obstacle to gay marriage today. Time is on our side, not theirs.

Proposition Hate. (part 1)

With most of my movie reviews from the November "experiment" now posted, I'd like to switch gears just a bit and return to the issue of gay marriage and its defeat in California's Proposition 8 ballot initiative. As many who know me can attest to, there is no issue for which I am unable to appreciate an opposing viewpoint. While being a self-professed liberal, I'm unusually sympathetic to pro-life advocates, death penalty proponents, and almost every other hot-button issue that seems to define the seemingly vast ideological differences within our country. The reason for this is simple: I'm a rational person and, even on issues for which I hold a strong opinion, if there's a valid argument to be made against my beliefs, I am willing to, sincerely, admit that I might be wrong. It's not the difference of opinions which divide our people, it's the absolute certainty with which those people hold such opinions.

All of that is just my way of saying that I'm about the furthest thing from a reactionary you might find. I'm the annoying devil's advocate who can take the air out of other people's passionate love, anger or lust for any person, place or idea. My friends hate me for this. I believe the contemporary term for a person with my skill set is "killjoy". While I take no pleasure in drawing this comparison, I suppose you could say I'm like Dr. Spock, but with a big nose instead of big ears.

I'm taking these elaborate pains to paint myself as this model of balance and reason because, ultimately, there is only one issue for which I do not recognize any alternative viewpoints as being even remotely justified. While I am willing to admit my opinions on abortion, the death penalty, immigration, taxes, social welfare, and every other social and legislative issue might be wrong, I am 100% convinced that the opinion I hold on gay marriage and all associated rights is beyond a shadow of the doubt the only correct view to be held. And that view, of course, is that gays should be afforded the same rights and privileges held by heterosexuals. Much has already been written or said about the result of Proposition 8 and, thankfully, the national dissatisfaction (outrage) over the result has not abated. I hardly expect my input on this issue will be revelatory, but that's never stopped anyone from sharing their opinion before, and nor will it stop me.

The most glaring problem for gay rights is that it's somehow framed as something which can be voted either for or against. This is, on its face, an incorrect and patently absurd notion. The simple act of allowing people the opportunity to express an opinion on whether or not to blatantly discriminate against an entire class of people gives false credibility to the issue itself...as though it is, in fact, something which people get to decide for themselves in a "majority rules" manner. It is not.

While some may find the analogy to slavery and racial discrimination to be obnoxious, those feelings do little to diminish the startling comparisons. In today's world, of course, the idea of equal rights for blacks is not even a remote issue. Sure, newer, controversial issues of reparations, racial quotas and affirmative action exist as a result of our nation's slavery legacy, as do some harsh feelings, but the basic idea of equal rights for black Americans is no longer questioned. Equal rights for black Americans are absolute and not subject to a vote, and I suspect even people who don't like blacks would acknowledge this as an unquestioned truth. Imagine if a state attempted to hold a vote which would deny blacks from marrying whites. Actually, you don't have to imagine all that hard. It wasn't until 1967 when, thanks to the Supreme Court's ruling in the aptly-named Loving v. Virginia, race-based restrictions on marriage were finally eliminated. The facts of this case are rather astonishing.

From Wikipedia:

The plaintiffs, Mildred Loving (nee Mildred Delores Jeter, a woman of African and Rappahannock Native American descent, 1939 – May 2, 2008)^[2][3] and Richard Perry Lovingwhite man, October 29, 1933 – June 1975), were residents of the Commonwealth of Virginia who had been married in June 1958 in the District of Columbia, having left Virginia to evade the Racial Integrity Act, a state law banning marriages between any white person and any non-white person.

Upon their return to Caroline County, Virginia, they were charged with violation of the ban. They were caught sleeping in their bed by a group of police officers who had invaded their home in the hopes of finding them in the act of sex (another crime). In their defense, Ms. Loving had pointed to a marriage certificate on the wall in their bedroom. That, instead of defending them, became the evidence the police needed for a criminal charge since it showed they had been married in another state.

Specifically, they were charged under Section 20-58 of the Virginia Code, which prohibited interracial couples from being married out of state and then returning to Virginia, and Section 20-59, which classified "miscegenation" as a felony punishable by a prison sentence of between one and five years. On January 6, 1959, the Lovings pleaded guilty and were sentenced to one year in prison, with the sentence suspended for 25 years on condition that the couple leave the state of Virginia.

Fortunately, when most people look back at something as racist and disturbing as this state law, we look back with mouths agape and wonder how and why it could ever have been so. I believe Americans will, too, look back at this period of history and marvel at how odd the dichotomy was of being progressive enough to elect a black man president, but discriminatory enough to deny certain Americans the freedom to marry another. Eventually, this will all be something we could hardly believe had ever been a part of the American landscape.

The intervention of the Supreme Court in helping to overturn Virginia's Racial Integrity Act is significant in many ways, not the least of which is that the federal government is where the issue of gay rights and gay marriage should rest. We wouldn't allow states to hold individual referendums on whether to re-legalize slavery, and that's because it's now understood to be a universal evil. And while the road to racial equality has been a bumpy one, and while the destination has still not yet been arrived at, the course has been self evident from our nation's earliest years because of the inherent contradiction of racial inequality with the founding principles of "liberty and justice for all."

So, too, is discrimination against gays at fundamental odds with this nation's founding principles. And, like the slow march toward racial equality, so, too, has the march for gay rights progressed---albeit maddeningly slow for those of us who might fancy ourselves the "abolitionists" of our day. And that's the good news...that in spite of the setback of Proposition 8...that in spite of the recent spate of anti-marriage votes in some of the more conservative states...the overall march marches on, perhaps even at a quickened pace, and perhaps with a few more boots on the ground as well.

Abraham Lincoln, contrary to what many people believe, was not exactly anti-slavery. He was, in truth, anti-slavery extension. He believed that slavery was wrong, but rather than move to abolish it, he simply wanted to contain its growth, believing that slavery was already on the road to eventual extinction. He thought, correctly, that any gesture to end slavery would be perceived as overtly hostile to those holding differing opinions...opinions he believed would eventually become irrelevant as more and more people recognized slavery as being a moral wrong.

While it won't take a civil war to get it done, I believe that the subjugation of gays is also on the road to eventual extinction.

In the 1860's, while many people were able to recognize slavery as wrong, almost as many of those people were unable to recognize blacks as their equals. Baby steps. The very fact that there was a Proposition 8 is evidence of the forward progress of gay rights. Take heart. People don't have to like the idea of gay marriage, they just need to not oppose it. You don't have to like blacks, you just need to not discriminate against them. You can have your opinions, but there's a fundamental difference between an opinion and a law...and, in this case, you may have the former but not the latter.

More to come.

I am Plaxico. Plaxico is me.

This is awesome:

According to new details emerging about the accidental self-inflicted gunshot wound for New York Giant wide receiver schmuck-extraordinaire, Plaxico Burress---

The trainer told him (Antonio Pierce) to take Burress to New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center, about 20 blocks away.

The SUV sped to the hospital, arriving at 2:04 a.m. and Burress was registered under the alias Harris Smith. It’s not known why that alias was chosen.

Harris Smith??? That's me! That's my name---Kraig Harris Smith! I even went by "Harris Smith" for a few months my sophomore year in college in an ill-advised attempt to reinvent myself as someone not named Kraig Smith. Don't ask.

Update #1: The NFL has already moved to ban the sale of Harris Smith jerseys.

Update #2: Apparently my own alias is not considered as "tough-sounding" as Michael Vick's "Ron Mexico."

Movie #26: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Unwatchably stupid in the early-going, it eventually finds a compelling comedic rhythm, due mostly to its always watchable star, John C. Reilly. Think "Top Secret," but sweeter and more developed.

Grade: 7/10

Movie #25: Role Models

From the opening bawdy joke to the sweet and affecting ending, Role Models is another Apatow-esque classic. Everyone loves Paul Rudd and finally he has a starring vehicle worthy enough.

Grade: 8/10

Movie #24: The Fall

Not even Lee Pace and imaginative visuals can save The Fall from being spectacularly dull. The main storyline hits a few notes, but the "fable" dominates and generates little interest.

Grade: 5/10

Movie #23: Bobby

Ambitious but pretentious, Emilio Estevez's project about the many guests at the Ambassador Hotel on day of Bobby Kennedy's assassination is fascinating, but too many weak characters diminish its impact.

Grade: 6/10

Movie #22: The Hammer

Proof that originality is overrated! There are no surprises in this "lovable loser" romantic sports comedy, but Adam Carolla is so endearing that you won't mind one bit. Adam Carolla.

Grade: 7/10

Movie #21: Paranoid Park

Like other Van Sant movies, this moody but understated tale about an angst-ridden teen is probably better with repeat viewings. Acting is superb all around, but tis slooooooow going.

Grade: 6/10

Movie #20: Quantum of Solace

Although the "Bourne-styled" action is more entertaining than pre-Craig efforts, the convoluted story isn't nearly as compelling as in Casino Royale. Although shorter than Royale, it felt much longer.

Grade: 6/10

Failure.

Given my ample inclination towards underachievement, few of you will be surprised to learn that I did not, in fact, complete the "simple" challenge of watching 30 movies in 30 days. I probably saw parts of over 30 movies, but given the self-imposed limitation that the movie be one which I'd never before seen (sorry Goldeneye; sorry Deja Vu), the final result was 26.38 new movies watched in 30 days. Basically I earned a B+, except I foolishly opted to do this pass/fail. So I failed.

Turns out I was ultimately felled by a few different factors, the first of which is that I'm not a complete and total loser. Yes, as the slow onset of maturity takes root, I felt compelled at various points this past month to go out; to see people; to do things. Throw in a full time job, family obligations, a national election, routine blog updates, and a strange inability to eat whilst watching movies, and suddenly there's very little time left to knock out sixty hours worth of movies in just one month. Also, oddly, even though the act of watching a movie is an extremely passive act, knowing that watching the movie was purposeful, made me avoid doing it...as though watching The Incredible Hulk was actually an unpaid job of some sort.

Oh, and I also started a full season of Madden 09 sometime around November 3rd, complete with a full 54-round franchise draft, exhibition games and 15-minute quarters. The fact that I'm currently 8-0 in the regular season (3-1 in the exhibition games) most likely has nothing to do with my inability to finish the 30 movies in a timely fashion. Also, Tony Romo is a scrambling god and cannot be stopped. Also, ignore my previous comments about both maturity and the absence of total loserness.

I'll post my remaining film reviews in the coming days. I attempted to keep up with it while in Dallas, but it turns out that a functional computer with a good internet connection is the Achilles heel of multimillion-dollar luxury homes in North Dallas. Oh, sure, the kitchen has a built-in broccoli steamer and the Movie Room has a 107" screen with hi-def projector, but a $299 Dell desktop with internet? No, that's just extravagant nonsense.