Weinermobile Attempts Suicide---Fails.

"Fed" up with its shitty existence as a non-kosher hot dog on wheels, a Weinermobile in Mount Pleasant, Wisconsin drove itself head-first into a house on Friday. Although damage to the home was extensive, the Weinermobile itself sustained little to no damage. Authorities credit the mysterious components of the Weinermobile for making it virtually indestructible. Sheriff Oscar Mayer, father to singer/songwriter/womanizer John Mayer, said, "nobody really knows what a Weinermobile is made of, but it handles surprisingly well, goes zero to forty in under three minutes, and it's quite clearly impossible to destroy. Hell, I wish I was one. That is what I'd truly like to be."

The suicidal Weinermobile is being held under 72-hour observation at a nearby garage. When asked why it tried to kill itself, the Weinermobile said it was tired of being honked at, and especially tired of being on the receiving end of countless cock jokes. "I didn't choose to be this way," the Weinermobile said. "This is worse than being a Hyundai." Calls to Hyundai Motors were not returned.