Shrek the Musical: Making Your Kids Gay

Last night I saw Shrek the Musical at the Broadway Theatre, the latest in the line of Disney-inspired theater offerings, following on the heels of The Little Mermaid, Tarzan and others. After seeing it, the one thought I had above all others was that this is what right-wing homophobes are afraid of. Usually when insane "family values" groups like Focus on the Family are lamenting the decline of western civilization due to the encroachment of the "gay agenda" on family-safe venues, their complaints hold little to no merit. However, if they were to make the same accusation about Shrek the Musical, I think I'd probably think them less delusional---though I'd be equally indifferent to their suffering.

I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure every character in Shrek was played gay. Donkey, Pinocchio, Lord Farquaad, the Big Bad Wolf, Peter Pan...gay. All of them. As gay as the night is black. Even the Gingerbread Man was fisted by the Sugar Plum Faerie. The only character besides Shrek that was clearly not gay was The Gnome...who professed to having an unhealthy stalker-like obsession with Ariel from The Little Mermaid. If you think I'm kidding, consider that the Big Bad Wolf admits to being a "cross-dressing, hot tranny mess." Hot tranny mess. It's actually in the script. And the Donkey, way gay, doesn't even hook up with the Dragon as he did in the movie. He simply befriends her, making the Dragon Disney's equivalent of a 'fag hag'. Now, I do realize that some of these elements were contained in the film version, but if I was the kind of person who saw a gay agenda everywhere I looked, this show would've made my eyes pop out.

As for whether it's any good, yeah, not too bad. A little gay, and the music isn't memorable, but it's one of the best-looking stage productions I've ever seen and the laughs are faeriely consistent. Get it? Faeriely consistent.